hell sent an invoice. they have a surplus of one Luke.

well thank god christmas is over. i would hate to have 8 or 10 or 12 days of it like hannaka (can't spell it)

maybe new years will be good.

i FINALLY got some time off of work. now what will i do with it? here comes the list of things you don't care about that i have to do.

get new drivers license.
go to dmv
cash all checks ( hmm this should be #1 i guess)
book
music
groceries.
ugh..... dishes
clean living room
make sure i give all presents i bought to people. fuck gift wrap.
don't eat any more del taco

at any one given time i should not give myself more than 10 things to do, or else they wont get done.

saw Life Aquatic with the peeps today. reminds me of old times. just blatant fun. david, what a guy.

movie sucked and 2 people fell asleep during it, but nothing can replace that going out with your friends feeling that i've missed for so long.

Life Aquatic, that will be my future. marine biology. thats my major. uhhhhhh....
if i learned one thing then it would be that i'll work on not getting that beer belly.

there's some things i have to say before the new years over, and i know i never do anything i promise in my blog, but, hopefully i'll be drunk enough one of these days to where i'll type them out.

i should say my closing thoughts on this year. about all thats happened to me girl-wise, friend-wise and other. yes thats what i'll say, when i'm drunk enough.

christmas is just another day in the year.

i wake up. hobble into my living room with a slight headache from malnutrition. there's no family. there's no tree. there's no joy.

for a moment i am reminded of christmases past. being the outcast asian in a group of white people in chicago. everyone trying to pretend i am one of them. everyone trying to make me feel like part of the group. at least there was a family. at least there was a tree. at least there was joy.

then i am snapped back to the reality of my current situation. i walk to my computer, and start typing. ever had a tear that just wouldn't come out?

my christmas this year consists of two boxes. one from my mom, various christmas paper shredded lying about the box, the only use of anything out of the box was a bag of pistachios and a bar of chocolate. the other box from my aunt karen and uncle marty, obviously giving me a used blanket one of their kids grew didn't want.

don't feel like calling anyone. too depressed. not even my mom.

will i really die alone? life is over-rated. you're staring at a blue screen. at a very blue man. silence is a secret, a weapon in disquise. listen to my silence and open up your eyes. the dream is over. i haven't slept in years. i'm not looking for answers. do you understand? do you understand what you see to be true? tell me who writes the truth. this is my history.

this christmas i will spend cleaning my house. i can't wait to pass the time in my room alone.

merry christmas everyone.

sorry lack of posts. warcraft owns me on winter break.

so i got a flat tire, ruined an axle, and was late for work.

i've never worked this close to christmas. it blows.

remind me to tell the story of why i hate green peppers.

phrases for the day

like the pot calling the tea kettle black.

even a broken clock is right twice a day.

even the sun shines on a dead moose ass once in a while.

and its working.

called in to sick work today. was coughing up blood a bit.

between fits of listening to songs over and over, i got some work done today finally.

feeling better. maybe i should just quit the highest paying job i've had.

talked to my mom today. she hooked me up with some insurance. i realized more than ever when she told me about her 21 year old neighbors who are married, that i am really on my own.

i think i'll do much better now that i know that for sure.

http://www.humblepie.com/cs534/cs534scripts4.html

its not so hard, but time is a valuble thing, as you realize 3 hours before its due. and it was assigned the begining of the semester. LOL.

procrastination's finest moments are held in the twinkle of my life.

lost my freaking wallet. there was 400 cash and a 85 dollar check in it. nice timing, my registration and insurance is up on my car, that was the money for it.

do i owe the devil money? anyway he seems to take it when he wants.

things to ponder while you're wasting your time at my site

If they say TV's so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?

Have you ever noticed that anyone going faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower than you is an idiot?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

nothing to eat in the house again. losing weight from sheer starvation. yet i go christmas shopping for my friends.

work makes me hate my life and want to die.but how you doin? :) car is breaking down. deathly ill? wow you're like me? cool.

now a random list of things i'm royally creeped out by.

1. the aflac duck
2. ET
3. the grudge commercial
4. lifelike dolls
5. bug documentaries on the discovery channel

well blogger was down. and i said a whole bunch of funny things too.

saw nam. saw grace. and ate u-dogs all in the same day. (u dogs are gourmet hot dogs btw)

laura still insists we hang out after her finals. she says not what we shall do, and she says not what for. she just mostly says not.

everyone always freaks out around finals. i haven't even had a certain class for 3 weeks.

next week and then done for the semester. imagine that. then i'm free to work whenever they want to crack the whip. feel like a mule. pack mule. following the carrot that is money and tolerating the snap.

next semester is probably genetics and chemistry. exciting life eh? yeah, exciting just like bread mold. invigorating just like an amoeba's sex life. lame just like the jerry lewis kids.

i think its safe to tell you something.

its not just what you say to people
and its not the way you look at me
its the way you present yourself

for all your worst critics to see.

and it feels like, i'm at an all time low.





song lyrics. yet for a moment. mine.

4 am again.

can't sleep.

i don't know how long i'll stay up tonight.

will it be till 5? 6? the dreaded 7? all nighter?

can't sleep.

i wish i could. then i would have dreams of zatoichi, u-dogs, and spiders.

::hits create button::

blogs as an output for sadness... see the recurringness. i've felt the words typed by people like
this

and this

and this

grey must be the most overused color on the net for sad people.

i've come to accept the fact that i'm lonesome most the time. but i guess its the only way i truly feel free. thanks mxpx.

then i see happy attractive people like this. happy by genes i guess. and this. happy by popularity. and this. ok that one wasn't happy, but it was sure the fuck funny. red eye. peffft. AHAH

its like having your own reality show. reading peoples lives. only its all the confession booth.

i won't say where i get these from. but i read a lot of them. i want to meet some of these people. not those ones, but other ones i read. but shall i ever say hi?

lost your interest?

don't blame you. blame me. been faggily scheduled to work this last past couple weeks like constant hours. vision is blurry and the days become one.

haze. a dark figure stumbles over the clothing hanging and lost around his bed. hits a clock to stop it from the never ending squeal, and punches into his loathsome day.

puts on a shirt he wore the day before.

puts on the pants he wore to his uncles funeral.

an hour drive to work with nothing but the radio chatter and traffic to take his mind off the monotony. and even those in themselves are the monotony.

gets to work and he's happy he's there. for he gets paid for another day. pretends to know something for a couple hours. goes home. if he didn't pick up take out he starves because he can't cook. crawls into his crumpled bedcovers.

haze. a dark figure stumbles over the clothing hanging and lost around his bed. hits a clock to stop it from the never ending squeal, and punches into another loathsome day.

t-day
turkey day.
get fat day.

over. stuffed. boston market. and left overs that weren't even cooked.

thai people have no concept of thanksgiving, but we made it work.

a friend of mine haughtily puts as her away message: "I have a wonderful family. I love my friends. I love my job. I love my boyfriend. May everyone's life be so blessed." or something to that effect.

it makes me want to cut myself open with a campbell's soup can.

Aey text messaged me, it was "happy thanksgiving, kit tun na ja" and a smiley face that looked like this:

@-_^@

kit tun na ja loosely translated is "i miss you honey"
@shudder@

t-day
turkey day.
get fat day.

over. stuffed. boston market. and left overs that weren't even cooked.

thai people have no concept of thanksgiving, but we made it work.

a friend of mine haughtily puts as her away message: "I have a wonderful family. I love my friends. I love my job. I love my boyfriend. May everyone's life be so blessed." or something to that effect.

it makes me want to cut myself open with a campbell's soup can.

Aey text messaged me, it was "happy thanksgiving, kit tun na ja" and a smiley face that looked like this:

@-_^@

kit tun na ja loosely translated is "i miss you honey"
@shudder@

t-day
turkey day.
get fat day.

over. stuffed. boston market. and left overs that weren't even cooked.

thai people have no concept of thanksgiving, but we made it work.

a friend of mine haughtily puts as her away message: "I have a wonderful family. I love my friends. I love my job. I love my boyfriend. May everyone's life be so blessed." or something to that effect.

it makes me want to cut myself open with a campbell's soup can.

Aey text messaged me, it was "happy thanksgiving, kit tun na ja" and a smiley face that looked like this:

@-_^@

kit tun na ja loosely translated is "i miss you honey"
@shudder@

10:30 tonight i come home and a helicopter is circling my house.

i know i don't live in the safest neighborhood. but damn.

i'm not gonna tell you which songs you should listen to, who ever goes "gee, i'm gonna download that song right NOW!" but i have been listening to some new stuff.

if life is prison, i need a female cell mate.

unsalted pistachios. yuck.

i been recently thinking of submitting my old radiohead remixes to a website or something. people might enjoy them. just need to find a website to do this on. i'm open to suggestions.

called my mom finally. feel like a great load is off my back. i have been avioding her like west nile.

Laura IM's me. in between periods of blocking her. i gave her my cell phone. she said something about a movie. or chilling. i will always have a soft spot for her. unfortunately it might be my brain.

welcome back.

thanks for reading.

lets save us some time and i will tell you here that i will give you some advice.

in all my life, i've realized some things that are golden. these are the things i've found.

1. the most pleasing sound to one's own ear is the sound of one's own voice or of one loved.
2. the most pleasing word to one's own ear is the sound of one's own name or of one loved.

customer service. as for that. i've tried these 2 golden rules out. you can settle an angry person. you can calm a girlfriend. you can tell someone anything.

the instant gratification and attention that perchance follows after the question "what's wrong" or "what's that" or "what's up". the question demands attention. and if it's the right one it will be answered in depth with depth of heart.

"who" has no concept in my world much longer. i'm dating a girl that cheated on me and is still friends with the cheater.

i haven't slept yet. and look at the time.

thought i'd post some more things you may not know about me.

i'm obsessed with checking my email like 5 times a day.
i sleep better on my right side.
never have broken a single bone.
wore briefs until age 18.
one punched someone, pushed them to the wall, then the ground, and rose my fist for the kill with a smile on my face, for calling me "puke" for a more than a week.
went to a gay club, danced with a lesbian.
don't like 50% of thai foods.
have 3 half brothers. don't know their names.

never been in jail. never been arrested. never had a speeding ticket. been in court once, for arguing that i did stop at a stop sign.

i discover new things i like every so often, and absorb them like kirby would to a enemy.

once when i was in elementary, a little girl told on me for yelling butt. she told a teacher i said the B word (teacher thought i said the other B word). the teacher furiously asked me what i said and i told her i said butt. the little girl was confused and almost crying. the teacher asked her if that was what i said and the little girl nodded yes. i was laughing, and got punished by sitting on the bench for laughing at her when she was pretending to cry. i never say the word that rhymes with snitch to this day. i just don't call girls that, no matter how much they are, or even if they call themselves that.

meanwhile. while this was happening, i was trying not to look in a corner where i knew two kids in an upper grade were kissing.

walked in on my dad having sex once when i was very young. green leather chair with wheels. missionary.

have heard my mom from my room with 3 or 4 different guys while growing up. she used to have a waterbed.

i think those last 2 things have messed me up particularly.

saw a black car driving down the road. took me a while before i realized it was a hearse. it was driving over 90 on the freeway. i was wearing the pants i wore at my uncles funeral. i was driving 90 too. i looked behind the hearse and saw a mile of cars as the funeral procession. little orange stickers on the upper left window that said "funeral. a motorcycle cop at the very end as escort. i can only hope my funeral is as organized and i am so cared about to have a mile of friends follow me down. actually. right now i work every day in the pants i wore to my uncles funeral. wtf.

i remember my cousins in orange monk clothes, crying, we all helped push the button that was labeled cremate. the stickers on the furnace reminded me of the punk stickers in the bathroom of the rock club Chain Reaction in Anehiem. they said "HOT" and "DO NOT ENTER" in red bold face. we pushed a button and my uncle was gone.

there are ironies abound in this world. some even think that irony is the norm.

today i also saw a squadron of helicopters frlying in sync around the whole valley. wtf.

yesterday i saw a hanglider over the freeway. wtf.

that hanglider guy. i have to expand upon. so jealous. there are things about me, things you don't know. you don't know how great my fear of heights is. i still remember the time i threw up on the revolution at magic mountain. i remember the time at raging waters when i conquered the high slide. yet till this day i can't look over the rail on the second floor of the mall.

when's the last time you have seen a person hangliding over your head? never right? i never have. just watching in awe. wish i could get off the ground like that. skydiving before i die. maybe a skydiving marriage. i've heard of those.

its strange. i'm not scared of airplanes. there seems to be a certain elevation range i'm afraid of. about 50 to 500 feet i'd say. just enough that a leg might break and up to the point where i still might live as a parapalegic. anything less and i'd survive, anything more and i'd splat. luke is still so black and white.

3 days of no posting and look at me, i'm a post machine.

every time i have a dream and theres a bug in it i wake up in a cold sweat and brush off all over my body. literally i have to force myself out of bed some days by jumping, rolling or turning the alarm clock up so loud it annoys neighbors. sometimes i wake up and start walking and find out my legs don't work yet and buckle to the floor. i look up at the clock and it says 1:30.

way to waste the day, ass.

i dreamt i was in japan. teaching or helping to teach. only all the kids were american. they loved me but i hated myself. i recognized nobody. there was a school with an open courtyard and a black gate. thats all i remember. someone analyze this for me.

ever have those moments where you wish you could freeze and keep as a reminder of where you were? so you stare for a while and hope the image gets burned into your brain. these are moments i had like that.

best buy sign at city of industry, yellow, big, stared at an upward angle like an omen.

glorious sunset as the backdrop of a girl i used to like. when i see the same girl and she's just as beautiful, just not mine to hold.

beautiful sunrise and a chill song, calm morning, and no traffic. the brisk solemn coldness of a califonia winter morning reminds me of a normal chicago summer night.

faces of people i've made laugh. teeth showing. their future wrinkles on their forehead.

the places me and my mom used to go when i was a kid. the 80's songs my mom loved, her self-help tapes, sometimes she would sing and i would cover my ears playfully.

many more. they end up being montages set to the music of that time.

i remember a time me and my mom made a road trip down to florida from chicago, when we got there we didn't do anything. cloudy dark days with rain the whole time. we stayed in a hotel by a swelling and furious beach. i watched tv and played gameboy. my mom cried. the beach towels we had were soaked and dripping in the bathroom. i never went back to florida. i hate florida.

soon i will make good on my promises before about what i would blog about and make.
soon.
i just have to research what i said.

sometimes i pet my car. its taken me so far. i need a new one soon. the crx will be a rice rocket and i'll have a civic hybrid like the tree hugging woman with glasses i saw on the 605.

thats it for a while, blogging too much makes me more depressed sometimes. need to concentrate. need to get out. need to stay in and finish music, writing, and home porjects.. X.x

i left the butter out again.

i wonder how many times you can leave this stuff out and fridge it again. i've already done it like twice and still tastes the same.

almost done with my book. or short story. whatever. it needs some heavy editing already.

nec·es·sar·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ns-sr)adj.
Absolutely essential. See Synonyms at indispensable.
Needed to achieve a certain result or effect; requisite: the necessary tools.
Unavoidably determined by prior conditions or circumstances; inevitable: the necessary results of overindulgence.
Logically inevitable.
Required by obligation, compulsion, or convention: made the necessary apologies.

things that are necessary to me:
1. a new place
2. food
3. games/entertainment
4. water
5. music
6. companionship/company
7. knowledge
8. trust/belief/honesty
9. communication/parley
10. transportation/adventure/a way out

tried to make the list in order of importance the best i could. notice thigns that did not make the list.... family.....clothes (uououo),..... wealth/money.

alright. gonna have to drop another class.

i just don't believe in doing homework. i've never done an honest night's homework ever in my life, and not about to start now. how i've got this far, i don't know.

i don't believe homework is necessary to learn everything. i believe it wastes my time and the teacher's time.

most homework is mindless. you look up the answer. you write it down. 5% of the time it requires you to think past this obligation, if i was told to read a chapter in a book this 5% is already covered. and the sheer amounts of it that gets assigned pisses me off. i expected that once i got to college, homework would be nonexistant. but it more than exists, and persists. and yet teachers insist.

i feel sorry for fellow friends that have to do homework.

what i do is usually find a teacher that doesn't assign homework and keeping dropping teachers until i find the right one. sometimes i don't drop and end up getting a C or B just because i didn't do any of the homework. if it looks like a D or F no-homework class, i'm probably out of there. yet there are times when i fail to drop the course and get that D or F.

classes that depend on homework suck. maybe thats why i always do horrible in math and chemistry classes, even though i ace the tests,

when i do find the non-homework teacher i get an A. always an A. if theres a little bit of homework, probably a B.

so, my performance in school is based solely on the amount of homework given.

kind of sad, but i don't believe in homework.

this was actually right after previous post in the same blog, i made a seperate post because i didn't realize i went so far off track to what i started talking about in that previous post.

~_~_~*~_~~*~_~~*
i've been noticing a trend in the thai guys i know, including me; its very difficult for thai guys to get a girlfriend. nobody wants us. philipinas want a philipino. viet want a vieto. korean want kars. white want black. black want white. and thai girls, well they pretty much don't exist, like us thai guys. we're the asian ghost race.

i came to realize that the only race cooler than japanese are the hawaiian. and the only ones cooler than them are possibly the native americans, and maybe eskimos. so take that you slanty eyed sony makers, ahah just playing, any japanese person i know is already by definition of race alone is cooler than me. thats fucked up isn't it? japanese somehow is > than thai. maybe i'm the first one to say this but i'm actually tired of aiming to be called japanse. I'm pissed off that when someone calls me japanse i'm glad, and when they call me hispanic i get even more pissed than a bear in a bee hive. and lord help the person who tells me i look middle eastern, i just don't talk to them. i'm not racist but the japanse seem to be the "Royal" asian race, what all the other asian races shoot for or aim to look like. they are the trendsetters of our eastern continent, but they are just "japs" to many white people on this socially retarded land mass. its just nice to see someone can be cooler than them. oh yeah, also people who are cooler than me are any guys who is taller with a short haircut and possibly less personality, anyone the same size as me who spends billions on clothes and haircuts and the same personality potential, and midgets (no haircut needed).

well, actually midgets aren't cool, they are pitied. maybe cute. good for porn....Ahem *straightens necktie*....

ok so lets replace midgets with shorter people with outrageous look-at-me style. such as the ones who copy avril lavine. ok that could be anyone. i'm going to abandon this part of the testimonial and say yeah, i'm pretty much cooler than anyone shorter than me.

so the chain of command of coolnes depends largly on race, then height, then style. pretty much interchangeable tho, you need just the right combination of all three.

personality makes very little difference in your coolness as long as you have at least 2 of those three.

what a fucked up world, seriously.

an eternal debt is owed to jack for helping me get a cell phone today.
i mean, letting me use his credit, getting me a job, sticking up for me at work,
its these times when i really feel like i have a friend who cares.

and all i could do in return was buy him lunch...

something about girls on rollerskates....

anyway. so i have a new number. no way i'm putting it online. i'm really contemplating not giving it out to anyone at all.

i make fun of other peoples typos. like strongbad.

pers O n343 (10:34:24 PM): give me your snowvoard
WheresMyRiceBowl (10:34:32 PM): ...i don't have a snowvoard
pers O n343 (10:34:45 PM): where is it?
WheresMyRiceBowl (10:34:55 PM): i dunno
WheresMyRiceBowl (10:34:59 PM): snowvoard shop?
pers O n343 (10:35:11 PM): snowboard!
pers O n343 (10:35:13 PM): vlargh
WheresMyRiceBowl (10:35:22 PM): hahaha...

my never-ending cough.
i think i had it ever since i think i had a cigarette after quitting.

all i did today was order a pizza and play the new game i got from www.gamefly.com

its called Katamari Damacy. its not a fighting game or RPG. you just go around collecting stuff and rolling it into a ball. straight wierdness, only the japanese man, only the japanese. still, its great to see some true innovation come along once in a while.

i was thinking why don't i just go into journalism and work for a gaming magazine. a true dream job. but then i thought, thats not very heroic. i want to do something semi-adventurous.

my dad called and left a message for me to go to the post office. but didn't go. too lazy. day off from work.

i always thought it should be called the post orifice. cmon, its a funny name, and it makes sense.

they deliver games to you. next day. no overdue charges. unlimited for 19.99 a month.
i'm gonna cancel my subsciption though. i just got the trial.

planning to go see A Dose (www.dofamusic.com). been plannign for a while now. they seem to have a show around town every friday. better catch them before they go on tour. nice blink182ish kind of band.

but everyone is busy working. wtf i might as well work friday nights, thats what everyone else is doing. and i can't enjoy a friday night without friends. or can i?

maybe i should. just go out somewhere, by myself. loner style.



but mooooooom, i hate being a loner!

too bad, eat your loner or go straight to bed!

Another 4 years of bush. kill me now.

ok let me restate the purpose of this.

this blog is not to bash on people or spread rumors or anything bad.

if i have something to say to you of the evil nature, i will usually voice it to you in a decent amount of time.

my belief, is that everything in this universe is pretty much random. except randomness. you can never achieve randomness if you try.

its a God given talent to be spontaneous, improvising, and unique.

thats why i love unique people.

i love meeting random people, by chance.

i don't believe in fate, i believe in purpose. i will expand on this later.

met vera today. very cute, very non-obtrusive. there was that hidden feeling like there could be something there in the future.

vera was thinking of me: poofy hair, not very funny, or thai.

she had an abercrombie shirt that made me frown a bit, but her lapc sweater matched my csun one. shorter than i remember, and her shyness i could tell.

i just leaned back and let her talk most the time. i'm looking for a friend after all, not anything else. hope to take her with the boys to thai bar or sanamluang maybe.

she is cute tho....

guys = coal
husband = gold

girl = coal
wife = diamond

????

Never trust a man who unbuttons his shirt too low.

I am reminded of a funny thing on KROQ that made me laugh also.

Striker was talking about going to a concert, and seeing a guy with a shirt that said "Guns don't kill people, guys with mustaches do." and the guy wearing the shirt of course had a 70's full-on police show mustache.

i laughed a bunch. not as much as the potato man, but maybe a minute.

my stomach can't make up its mind whether it wants me to be fat or skinny. times i have a potbelly and then theres times where it looks like i'm harboring a half a dozen pack.

thats it for tonight. ragnarok online owned me today.

The "I'm-not-a-trend" test.
by Luke

count up how many of these you have...

motor scooters
ipods
cell phones (add 20 points for the "chirp" phones)
bottles or tubs of gel
ug boots
"Joe Basketball player's" signature shoes

add...

number of times you've been to a club this last month
collection of tv show dvds you own
abercrombie and fitch shirts

subtract...

how many books you've read this past month
collection of anything you own besides tv show dvds
hot topic shirts

make total...

- integer = you're in a cave, a fucking cave. (not a trend)
0-2 = life or no life, you try (not a trend)
3-5 = you qualify for a person sitting in the back on TRL (trend)
6+ = you are more than a trend, you are the hate of everyone with less than 6 (ultra trend)




i got a -1

soon to come.... the do-you-have-any-real-friends? test

am i a wedding ring, or an old guitar?

because i got pwned.

sick as hell today and i wanna get ill. so i go to the place where my homeboys chill. gotta get my girl to rock that body, before i have to hit the bacardi.

steel reserve, mgd, mickeys, and vodka punch.

i'm sick today somethin fierce. i was sick anyway but alchohol, i now know, cures no flu symptoms.

i was a ninja turtle for halloween. got many props. which one? rapheal. only one they had left. would have perfered leonardo, because i have swords.

party was a blurred debacle of kitty tails, lip piercings, and different trips to the bathroom.

matt's partys are so banging. ucla crowd, nerdular happatistic fun. the spirit is definitely willing, and the soul is not weak.

we get signal early.

u-dog.

u know your drunk when...

went to grace's parents house and fixed all her dad's computers. he stuffed a check for 100 bucks in the pocket of my faded world war 2 jacket and would not let me leave without it.

i left the butter out for a day.

jeff tried to eat one of my year old donuts.

i don't know why, but when i saw the name for this guy online, i could not stop laughing for at least 4 minutes. the name was "Potato Salesman".

i asked if he worked at mcdonalds. my theory was right. and i laughed again. i can just imagine someone saying "I'm not a drive thru mcdonalds guy, I'm a Potato Sales Consultant!"

yeah. it was the funniest thing i'd heard in a while. Potato Salesman.

went to school for once.

wish i could write like hemingway.

I am here. I am not there. There is a house. LMAO ROFL OMG L33T!

pants busted an ultra mean-fatty sag and then fell down to a rain puddle, i must be losing weight. so to celebrate i bought chicken mc nuggets >.< ..... oops.

randomly perusing the internet i found something. i busted out my credit card. moments of weakness lead to moments of joy ^.^

doing the korean faces for no reason ^_-
korean beat my ass in cvs2 yesternight, so i beat the drums

haiku? gazundhiet. gazunheit? napkin. napkin? food. food? sushi. sushi? haiku.

tried to reason out of it, but the circle brought me back, guess ur getting a froggin haiku.

Rain loos'ed, sky broken,
Your help is not needed, God.
My cry is enough.

anti-hyped on dramamine agian,
stumble into a chasm of white space,
then blue,
then hopefully black.

i'd call myself if i had the number.

Aey sent me an email today. Looks like she's alive. Why don't any of my wishes ever come true?

ain't nothing better than staying in your room and listening to times past.

I am. A little bit of loneliness.

A little bit of disregard.

A handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars.

Feeling pretty cruddy, like the back of a coal miner's shoe.

This cold virus is rocking me pretty bad.

Watched some explosions in the sky. Almost fell asleep, but as I did, I noticed beauty.


How can you tell you really love or loved a girl?

When, randomly you find a dead strand of their hair caught on your face or in your mouth, and you don't immediately spit it out. It is carefully pulled out, looked upon, and placed to the side.

When you stare and you smile at her, like a simpleton at a calculus problem.

When the last words after she slit your throat are the apology for bleeding on her shirt.

Awesome weekend with my cousins. or should i say jawsome.

For the first time in a long time went to a party i enjoyed, actually had FUN. no lame time, no plans. just went, and ended up where the wind took me.

Now, I'm stranded in hollywood at a Net Cafe, wasting 4 hours because there wasn't a ticket for me.

Not all a loss. Making the most of my time looking for a zippo lighter, listening to street music, enjoying hollywood.

With a wonder and a wild desire.
Every day is worse than yesterday.
Haven't touched the stuff though. Sober and alone. Soberlone. mmmmm calzone.
Idealization, romanticism, socialism and existentialism are like the four winds for me.

What do you frocking do when you're too smart for suicide and too dumb to disconnect?

I disapointedly and disheartendly quote Sandra Bullock from "Demolition Man" when I say
"What I wouldn't do for some ACTION around here..."

I'm gonna work on saying "Oh Sugar!" instead of "Oh shit!" maybe that will buy me some heaven points.

Metaphor of my day-- "I lit a cigarette that tasted like a plumbers handkerchef"
Metaphor of my week-- "It's darker in my room than a carload of assholes"

Friday I'm invited to happa club thing again. I need a haircut like an albino needs a tan.

It's anoher day older in these exiled years.

i won't post the entire lyrics. thats annoying.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/floggingmolly/theseexiledyears.html

lol, i wonder what my mother would say if she got a hold of my blog.

i'm gonna ditch school today to watch "the girl next door" and go to the bank to cash my check.

So fuckingly awesome fun i'm having!

fuckingly is now my word.

The phone is still unplugged, and AIM is still uninstalled

don't bother. my friends are useless. i can't even plan a cool hangout. nobody calls me anyway.

nobody is gonna call me anyway. nobody wants to see me. nobody wants to hear me.

it's been a while since i've had a fun time.

30 entries found for bland.
Entry:
bland
Function:
adjective
Definition:
tasteless
Synonyms:
banal, blah, boring, dull, flat, flavorless, ho-hum, humdrum, insipid, milk-and-water, monotonous, nerdy, nothing, pablum, sapless, tame, tedious, unexciting, uninspiring, uninteresting, unstimulating, vanilla, vapid, waterish, watery, weak, wimpy, wishy-washy, wuss, zero

lol. banal.

There's a song by Rufio called "Stop Whining" that is a protest against suicide.

here's a message from my mom. something happened with the format.

Hi Luke,I am glad to hear that you like Best Buy. I understandthat you probably can't take time off for Christmas. Iwill spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day here withthe usual family. Then I can fly out to visit you onthe 26th and stay until Dec 30th. I will try to get aticket for myself this week and let you know thearrival and departure day and time. Did you get my message that I have a 2 bedroomtownhouse by myself? Scott and I split up for good.I have a home phone # that I have unlimited longdistance. So I can call you anytime. Just let me knowthe best day and time to try to call. My home # is ###-###-####. You should let me know what movies to send or else Iwill keep selecting them myself.Please send me e-mails too as often as things come upthat you want to share with me. It seems I hardly knowyou anymore.Is Jeff going to be living at his parents house all byhimself? That would be a nice place to stay if itworks out for you!!Any new girlfriends?Don't forget to let me know what day and time you aremost likely tro be home.Take Care, I love you and miss you all the time too.Love,Mom---

Luke G <http://by15fd.bay15.hotmail.msn.com/cgi-bin/compose?curmbox=F000000001&a=186c9f8539cb273485f8389d0add2ba7&amp;mailto=1&to=lukeglupngam@hotmail.com&msg=MSG1098142107.22&start=1583635&len=4308&src=&type=x> wrote:> I got your message. Unfortunately I don't have long> distance on my home > phone so I can't call you back. Also I lost my cell> phone, and need a new > one, might need your help with that.> > Yeah so, working at Best Buy is great, the best> jobI've had so far in life.> > Dad is doing fine. He's just staying here until I> graduate. I keep > switching from pierce to Csun for classes, thats> whats taking so long.> > I miss you a lot, but I don't think work will let me> off for christmas, > thats the only bad thing, I don't think I'll be able> to fly up there this > year. It's ok, I think I get overtime hours for> christmas and christmas > eve.> > Right now, I'm saving up for a drum machine, a car,> and a motorcycle, but I > still need help clearing up my credit, theres also> some other person besides > me using my social security number I found out, that> makes me mad. I might > move in with Jeff at his house, his parents are> buying a new house in San > Diego for retirement.> > I know I missed your birthday, and I know I missed> Grandpa for fathers day a > while ago too. I'm sorry, just really busy trying> to decide what I need to > do at this point in my life. I just got a new> perscription for contacts but > my teeth are horrible, the porcalin cap i had on my> upper left tooth came > off and its now naked, I brush everyday though.> > I'm writing a book, its a horror/suspense/thriller> like something Stephen > King would write. I read his "On Writing", also I> read the new version of > Lewis and Clarks journals that came out in Borders> this month, that was by > someone else.> > So, if you want, try to catch me at home, I'm> usually home after 10pm on > work days. Just rememberr I can't call out to you.> Email is always good too.> > Love,> Luke

she even hardly knows me anymore. what the hell has happened to me?

i blanked out my mom's number so you little weasels won't call her. :)

i bought doom 3. a halloween gift you can say. and scared myself shitless with it.

also a pack of blank cd's. to burn myself some sad music.

what do you say, what do you do,
when it all comes down?

It not only rained it poured. To the anthem of "Celluloid Dream" by AFI. I know not one word to this song, its pretty impossible, but the melody seemed fitting.

I wanted to run my car off the road, but I just ran it home.

I'm sorry, I have to break off contact from everyone for a while.

I'm unplugging my phone, I'm uninstalling AIM, I'm going to be at home.

This is how I will communicate to the outside world for a while.

Glad you're listening. I'm not.

Don't look back, that was the only thought running through my head. Don't look back.

And as fitting, it rained for the first time in months.

I said goodbye to her for the last time tonight I had intended to mend things. My last word to her was "forever".

And still, when I close my eyes. I see her in the shapes of so many fireworks.

And still, when I breathe in, I can smell her. The smell of the morning after the rain that is tommorrow.

slept for 16 hours last night...

i guess i blog a lot when i'm lonely.

jus some things i want to remember.

A blonde on the freeway, she was in her early thirties, apparently didn't know how to change a tire. So she was leaning on the freeway divider, legs exposed with a short peach skirt, designer sunglasses. I could have helped her, but then, there were about 4 black trucks behind me already swerving to the side. I picture guys with muscles the size of tea kettles and i figure she'll be alright.

I wish I could just show my legs and get maybe, hmm what.. a light bulb changed?

It's times like these that remind me I have a penis.

Met Natalie today at work. She reminds me of "Bee" from back in chicago. My type I figure. Blue eyeshadow and dickies work pants, wow. She said I look hispanic, GODDAMMIT, OK ITS TIME FOR A HAIRCUT!

everything went wrong with this morning, but let the next person's xanga or whatever tell you about their whole entire day, theres plenty of that crap to read.

while you're at it, go read a chicken soup book. those are crap too. they aren't really books at all, they more resemble Mad Libs.

because the black space here deserves another post.

i don't do this for reward you know. that's why it's so flattering when people say my writing is tops, and they have been.

so let us engage in this ghetto telepathy.

if you think about it, it is. writing transcends time and space. you can read this anywhere, anytime. it doesn't matter where i wrote it. i could have typed it in my school lab, i could have typed it while i'm having spaghetti at home at my desk like i am now. yeah and i just got a piece of meat stuck in my teeth. you don't care, a week later after i type this, you'll be reading it, it doesn't matter where, and the piece of meat will long be gone.

but my thoughts are still here.

you know, i've permanetly lost 2 readers. so if you've stuck with me this long you either love me or hate me. The 2 people who swore they would never read this again are David,( for the post about his annoying boys 2 men music back when we were roomates), and Laura, (for the post about the sex, the only post i ever deleted).

Grace i think once swore off my lyrical crack cocaine, but its seems she's now once more doing a few lines.

Its amazing, that girl. While sitting on the toilet, I got an idea again. Don't worry, i didn't slip like Doc Brown in Back to the Future and bump my head, it was a genuine idea.

What is amazing is, the guy she stuck with for 2 years. I'm not at liberty to say the details, but, hastily, i'll say that she stuck with a man who did not love her enough, and loved him for it, and left me, a man who loved her too much, and hated me for it.

blah blah its more complicated than that, but i like to simplify.

i think he's learned, and i think i've learned. he's learned that he can't get away with shit like that. i learned some of grace's bounderies. and that we can still be friends.

He was a man of great menial importance, a do-er and a go-getter. I am a man of somewhat silent repose.

I wanna post on his site something like "na-na-na-nah, boo-boo" anonomously. Also I notice that many of his posts end with a question, probably means he's really lonely inside and reaching out for someone to contact him. Also I notice his posts are boring. Also I notice that he focuses and justified what he did to grace by saying he's changed. i say that doesn't change the fact that you did something un-repairable. you can't just drive a car off a cliff, strapped with a time bomb, and say, "aww hell, i learned, i guess i better not do that again, i'm sorry owner of the car, it was my fault." Don't fucking drive the car off the cliff, and don't strap the fucking time bomb to it, or else you better fucking be in the car yourself. CUZ UR KILLING ME, LARRY! ahahahahaha, ok............ its late. god, i should have posted that on his site too, lol.

thats my ultimate take on it. i'm sure she's quite done talking about it. well with that thought, i am too.

Now, my next subject is one time chance meetings. Say you meet a person, like I met May down there in the post before this.

Before that, a few more things I am, and how I see myself.

I am a man of strategy, commonness, and tactileness. lol, you could tack the word love after all of those i suppose, strategic love, common love, tactile love. I say cheesy things, things that are common, but they are things that are tactile, things that you can touch and hold onto. Tactile love.

Now take a word that could describe you. Not THE word that describes you, but just a SINGLE word that COULD describe you. Tack the word "Love" after it. It's true isn't it? You're that kind of lover.

I just discovered that. Not from a fucking chicken soup for the blasted soul book, but right now, blogging my brains out.

Let me get one thing straight tho, while I am common, maybe 25%, i am also uncommon, maybe 185%. oh, and uh, 2% lard or something.

I don't call people. If i do, its necessity. Thereupon, this is my chosen media to communicate to my friends. My beloved friends.

And i expect no calls, I actually run away from any conversation i know that will involve small talk. I absolutely hate small talk. Like a fat kid hates rice cake. ahah, 50 cent reference.

anyway from talking about ex, to talking about me, now i will talk about you. yes YOU.

my generic friend. a friend i look for, would have personality. much like one of the first things i look for in the opposite sex. they don't need legs, just someone to hold a conversation with, and someone who will laugh.

if u've ever laughed at me, you're probably my friend, if you've ever laughed with me, you're probably someone who's cool and my friend. if you've ever laughed around me, and i'm not laughing, you're probably someone i hate.

i don't look for tits and a heartbeat. i look for zits and a heart.

i'm posting this much maybe because i know i'll be busy with work and kareoke and frightfest this weekend, dunno if i'll have time to post, but that was just an afterthought, i really just got bored.

i don't know if this post was informatively witty sassy cool, or just George Bush-ishly boring. (another 4 years, Holy Magic Monkeys, hell NO!) so if you've read this far, congradulations, you're probably my friend too.

oh yeah, i never talked about the chance meetings, fuckit.... i'm tired....

making money and a book. maybe the book will make me more money.

hehe remember Nabiki from Ranma 1/2? and Kitsune from Love Hina?

well, theres always a money grubbing woman in any anime. or any timezone.
i believe there are girls out there that are like this 4 real.

getting to use the money two days ago was a fun. it was a fun.
now my place is decorated, but putting the decor up wasn't half as fun as getting them.

I met May, and what probably is her grandmother. She was wearing an American Eagle shirt. I mentioned my sandals (that i wear almost every day, from the same store). She helped me carry my shoji screens to my car, she didn't have to, but we shook hands and I told her my name. I wasn't parked for 2 seconds but a parking enforcement officer pulls up on Broadway in the middle of Chinatown and starts punching away on his thingamajigger.

its funny, you go to chinatown, you enter a little souvenier shop, and speak slowly with the old woman across the counter. slowly, and clearly, like a speaking to a child, but respectfully. And the 80 year old asian woman literally busts out "Hey whats up dude, man, whaddaya want?" I literally was ROFL

I got a parking ticket for her, but I forgot to say goodbye. I told the parking cop to "mail it to me" and jetted off. I forgot to say goodbye to her, so un-gentlemanly!

So i made a promise to myself. Since I can't have someone so rich whose parents own a store in Chinatown. I promised myself I'd get rich. Just like the can of creme soda said. "You should be able to make money and keep it". Emphasis on should.

http://www.purevolume.com/download.php?id=167518

do people get ideas off me?

now mike started a weblog and jong plays the electric guitar...

anywayz...

here's the part where i tell you about my day.

there was a miniature army outside my night class, yes i do go to class, i wonder why people ask me that. i was like, why are there so many people outside?

it was 9 pm, i was escaping in the 5 minute break. class is suppossed to go until 8-10 pm, but most teachers put a break in between.

and these people, they were all like me.....

i didn't even pay attention in class. i was reading a book i bought. 2 actually. yes i actually read. probably more than u. u love TV don't you? or movies? point is i haven't met someone who can keep up with how fast or how much i can read. many of my friends have read more in their life than me thouigh. i'm all about quality, not quantity.

personal interactions, or interpersonal actions, depepending on how you look at it. They astound me. I love watching people. It's like watching animals in the zoo.

yeah, the books i'm reading: "On Writing" by Stephen King, to help me with writing my own book, which will probably now be a short story. The book jacket says "never has a book been so good at making you a good writer", or something like that.

and "The Journals of Lewis and Clark". Its my version of a reality TV show.

I had to stop by borders again to buy them. yes i saw Annie. yes we talked. yes i lost her number again. no i didn't stick around.

i bought a creme soda there, and when i pulled off the cap and read underneath it said "you should make a lot of money". no i'm not kidding, that's what the creme soda fuckin told me.

Besides being a dick in a glass case, other dreams i share include living in a crappy place and working like a slave.

Another night alone, with the lights down low.

Contemplating what is to become of me.

right now the only place i'm driving, is myself, crazy.

How to tell you're dating the wrong guy. (part 1)

There are things that someone does that are dead giveaways they aren't a good person inside.

1. He is the kind of guy that will drive and swerve around to the rightmost lane when the light turns green so he can cut in front to the left and be first in the lane.
2. He buys you roses, but the cheapest kind.
3. He gives you something, and asks for something in return.
4. He asks to go dutch, when he's got enough to pay.
5. The first thing he reaches for is the boobs.

If you see any of these in your boyfriend, he's possibly a dick, most likely an asshole, and most likely not someone to stick with.

i saw a man get hit by a car 2 days ago, on reseda.

the ambulance came and i bought a gyro.

fuck work. it's tiring.

i dropped my chem class. i can't hang with keeping up with all the little things to do.

life is a trip.

grace has her phone back now and we talked.

but i think i have got things squared away.

except for one thing. when i went to the dorms to go surprise and say hi to laura, i saw her in the lounge with "danny".

funny, i thought the lounge was our thing. oh well.

i learned that even though she has come a long way, laura is still just like how i first met her, depending on guys for an emotional outlet.

i hope she's not ho'ing herself out and that she actually likes the guy, even tho i have never heard of him before.

it makes me sad to think that of a girl i actually still care for. if only she would see the slideshow i made for her.... it has some of my true feelings in there.

is that why you think it was a mistake? because i get emotionally attached so fast?

sorry.

please keep in mind that i know that i don't know everything.

these thought are just my opinions.

i talk a lot and spew great monologues to an seemingly empty phone reciever.

when i should say nothing.

i really should say nothing.

because theres nothing else i want, but your company, and to see you happy again.
i can't say i missed you monday, but i really did.

that in itself is saying too much. i should go.

Its my own fault for being lonely. The fault is my own.

I will never be anything until I break away from me.

Subtlety is wasted on the belligerent.

i'll just run on all my thoughts and worries, maybe they will go away.
i have no calculator too much bread too much dough too much bologna and too much woe
too much ramen too much hey man too much whoa man
i have called her and our subtle hints are confusing
i know what she wants and i know what i want but i can't say why don't we eat something together
i can only say its a good thing she's hungry
i called to say hi and if there was gonna be hanging out tonight i'd call her again
i didn't call to non-explode and have her call me back 2 times
i think it would be a good thing to lock myself in for a couple days
its obvious i'm being used and she does well without me
i need to think this over some more
like the time before
lol, like the lost lenore
i think she's a bore right now
sometimes
do i?
am i a man whore?
she doesn't want nice things or nice times with me
because she doesn't want me
the time i spent trying to please and make her feel better is nothing because she wants to be ignored

i guess i'll wait again.

fuck busy people i can pretend i'm busy too
fuck the friends who were there for you
fuck the lotto and the dog
fuck the pizza and the jog
fuck the drive and the job
fuck the candles fuck the cops
my neighbors argue all the time

a major fuck goes to all those awkward moments i've had with people

i think i figured it out.
about her.

she goes to many things but she never plans anything herself.
she never comes up with anything.
it always has to be planned for her. maybe with her.

the last thing i remember she planned was a party in her house with alchohol. thats all there was. even that i think she planned with people, and didn't come up with on her own.

told u i was mean. but its the truth, isn't it?

the truth is you couldn't really even figure out a way to get back at your ex either, you had to ask people about that one too.

thats why she is boring to me.

no imagination.

and i have no drive.

i'd do anything for her, but the truth is,
if we were a car, we would be a sedan without an engine.

i don't see any way for me to get more excited than i am. my drive is proportional to whats driving me. all the compliments in the world can't help get past that.

i would assume the other way holds true. compliments to her only get me so far.

for me, to get past the compliments phase, i need someone to hold my hand all the way through.

for her, i don't know what gets past compliments. or maybe i do. drive.

so theres a stagnant circle here.

i can't create drive without someone holding my hand. or at least putting a hand on my shoulder.
well, i can, but i just need a looooooooooooooooooooot of time for my procrastination and laziness to wear off.
and she can't give that hand on my shoulder until i produce the drive to produce the thing.

about the imagination, you say you'd be the type to go meet someone on the street on a dare, but would you be the one who would come up with the idea? nope.

balls. i have some. even if i don't have a spine.

balls! used here as a vulgar exclamation, cuz i didn't want to say fuck again.

for some reason I had a dream in the middle of the day today.

it was like i was in an alternate reality. one where i still lived in palmdale, california, with my mother. in the desert, we made improvements to our house and i shot her lover with a flaming arrow and he was incinarated immediately. we had a nice house and a nice backyard but i was more miserable than ever. i was brought up spoiled with no hardships that i have been through in this reality.

it was strange, like i was really able to touch things and feel, very unlike a real dream, like in fact i had gone in a portal to another world.

one thing though, in my dream i cried, because my mom was lonely, i didn't approve of anyone, and nobody she chose liked me. she left me on the backyard playset, it was blue and made up of bars. there were a sea of them, i could see the great expanse of them across the whole desert. and then i realized i wasn't unique, i was just like everyone else who had grown up in that area. spoiled, lonely, unhappy.

in the dream i had never lived outside palmdale. i had a very narrow mind.

dreams like that remind me of how real the situation is here.

but even tho its real here, i take things pretty light.

would it be so bad if we died? if one day we just did not wake up?

maybe we would just slip into that alternate reality, like that old show "quantum leap".

i'm just saying. there may be times when you feel like giving up. like you screwed up, in, on, and of your life. all is not lost, and things can get better. it may sound like a self help tape but you do have the power to change things, thats what great about this mortal life. at any point things can get better, or worse, depending on the choices you make.

you can have the worst day, but if you go out and blow something up i bet you'll come home happy.

or by blow something up i just mean do something totally wierd, that will change your life.

guess what, it probably will.

you could do something bad, you could do something good. volunteer for something, save someone's life, they could come back and give you a million dollars.

the cool thing about life is that its totally random at times. :)
you just have to get to that point.

you can't depend on ANYONE to make you feel different.

people are just a distraction. a distraction from whatever goal you have in life. sometimes distractions are healthy, sometimes they are fun. you need distractions. you need people.

you just don't need a bullet in your head.

Went to chinatown today. chow fun and fun chow. so many things to buy. purchased 3 bracelets for 5 bucks, i think they are unisex bracelets.

can you ask more from someone than whats given?

I have a new theory on life. Its the pamphlet theory.
I have a new classification of people. The poked and re-poked hermit crab.

i don't want to get into them right now, i have a brain ache.

argh i got scheduled to work a friday night and a saturday morning.

guess no fun for me tonight.

why do i have to be in the one universe that sucks balls?

I have avid readers, but how do I know what they want?

A certain one has a penchant for my writing, but I don't have the chant for my pen to nerve.
The nerve I have doesn't have the desire it deserves. I've waited this long, but I still long for what I want. What could be rightly mine is rightly wrong. The wrongs I right aren't as good as the wrongs I write.

A samurai can not be spineless. This will not do. So what I will do is treat you to not being treated. I should not fall for teated treats and pleated seats.

iow, i'll push you away, all you need to do is pull me, and i'll come back.
when you're ready, we'll be ready, and you won't be hurt.

Like i said, I can sweet, and I can be curt.

A mother's hair curler and a father's belt.

How devilish I am!

What oh! What a glorious moment since my last post 5 minutes ago!

Let me explain...

I go to take a break from class, don't know what I want from the vending machine yet....
As I walk, I pass a young lady sitting outside a classroom on the stairs, intensly studying for what obviously was an anatomy exam. I peeked inside the room and saw the professor was getting ready for the exam, organizing his papers and writing on the board when the test will start.

For a brief instant, a mere half a second, I pass by cruising to my snack, and I block the halogen light the lady needed to study by. For that brief moment, I knew I had power over her. Blocking the light, I knew she couldn't study, I knew I had the power to either make her fail and ruin her semester, or I could also allow her to continue on cramming. I laughed hard at (or was it, with?) my inner demon that had pointed that out to me with his pitchfork a few seconds later.

However the adventure did not stop there. No, oh no. I truly have adventures by myself all the time, if you were there I would not have these thoughtful times.

I got to the food machine. No sooner had I pulled out my wallet than an old soul walked up to me, asking if I had change for a five. I said "Hold on a second," I looked in my wallet. There were exactly 5 singles. "I do, but then I won't be able to get what I want if I take your five," I said with a challenging glare. The old soul knew that neither of us wanted a pocket full of quaters as change from the five dollar bill. While I was thinking choco-taco or turkey and swiss sandwich (man, they have everything at those machines nowadays!) she rummaged. She was still rummaging and strolling around when I purchased my sandwich and left, saying sorry to the old soul. She yelled back after what appeared to be a breakthrough thought, "Its ok, I'll just get my mountain dew at the cafeteria!"

Mountain dew! Blast! Thats all she wanted! i thought she wanted something expensive like me! How beyond lame I was! The simple solution was to of course buy the sandwich and the stupid soda for her. Alas, A lesson was learned. Ask what an old soul wants, before walking away guilty.

One more story.

After opening my sandwich, walking back, I had yet again the chance to ruin the young lady's study for anatomy. I didn't ruin it for a half-second, I gallantly walked to the side of the light, I think she noticed and smiled. As I walked, I noticed that some of the mayonaise that came with it was still on my hand, from the instinctual del taco habit I had tried, and failed. The mayonaise looked a lot like snot on my hand, and I looked at it. That was the real reason the young lady smiled, not because of my gallant light-evasion. What an evil thought she had. One last moral, lol. One evil thought deserves another.

Yay, youngest one in my Linux OS class. I feel smart and accelerated.

I have a large blog. Tee hee.

When I say a word on someone, I don't mean literally...

Like, for instance, if I say, a word on Luke, I don't mean I am on top of him, saying a word.

Shouldn't it be, a word about Luke? No, then the word travels in orbit around his body.

I am a literal.

Hung out with one of my gay friends today.

Ok let me specify, one of my homosexual friends.

Talked about his relationships, and some of mine.

He gave me fashion tips.

I have new hopes for my place.

So let me slip away.
Up the corners of your lips.
Part them and feel my finger tips.
Trace the moment, fall forever

Like slow spinning redemption.
Winding in and winding out.
The shine of it has caught my eye.

i am selfish
i am wrong
i am right
i swear I'm right
i swear I knew it all along

i am captivated.
i am vindicated.

---yeah,, ah DURRRRRR i wonder WTF i am listening to right now?? let me get the cutesy cheesy picture of the cd and post it right here...... ON MY ASS
sorry, a bite at the "What's Playing" Xanga'ers

--No i'm not spider man, just you're friendly neighborhood lukester

lukester, is that like napster? man that guy made a bunch, and is gonna make a bunch again. damn young intuitionists

i am an intuitionist

i should say a word about someone.
but theres just things i wonder.

things that echo.
things that are wierd.
things that are mistakes, and things that aren't.
things that are comfortable.
things that will never work.
things that ask why.
things that cry.
things that should eat.
things that i worry about.
things that i've done without.
things i've learned to grow cold to.
things i never outgrew.
things that are confused.
things that are hurt.
things that will mend.
things that i cherish.
things i defend.


so let me slip away.

into this candle.
that is melting the wax,
that falls on the termite,
that is choking on the splinter.

Thank you blogger for once again ruining my beau post.


i'l start over this time with more
condensed thoughts.

spilled milk. spoiled time.

It was an adventure. Not fun, not crazy, but not definitely not boring.

Got stranded at the beach. You have never felt lonely if you haven't stared at a sunset by yourself. (It has happened to me twice.)
And you have never felt so hungry.

Ask yourself a question. You haven't ate anything all day, its 10 pm. You are in a gas station convienence store with 20 bucks that will buy you the world in there. What do you buy? What do you buy?

For me the answer was: nachos and orange juice. extra cheese.

I wish my foresight was as good as my hindsight in telling me that nachos and the beach wasn't a good idea. Wind, sand, and nachos do not make good bedfellows.

When half of my nachos were donated to the ocean and its furious windy slut companion, I decided to head back to the gas station. A bagel better suited the breeze.
what an odd last sentence, i bet i will never read those words combined ever again

A bum was going to kill me for fifty-cents, and i'm not talking about the doof rapper. We argued on pay-phone rights.

I met many people who were having bonfires that i was supposed to be enjoying with other people. How i wish i could have tossed myself into their fire's appealing appendages.

I got lost, and ended up 5 miles from where I parked.

I got home and the phone rang. Prompting another adventure itself.

That was only where the story ended. There's an epilogue, and the begining was just as adventurous, but I'm too lazy to type again.

the sky sure looks fucking different today.

A word or two on guys. (ad nausea: love)

At this point in my life. I notice a lot I do has to do with girls. Not everything, but a lot. If I pick a seat in class, I pick the seat thats next to a pretty girl. If I buy clothes, I buy clothes that will attract a pretty girl. Even if I eat a meal, I order something that is less likely to make me fat, so I can still get pretty girls.

The universe pretty much revolves around you, you pretty girls. Until I find one that will satisfy both lust, love, and lonesomeness.

When I love myself, I treat myself, and its like girls don't matter. I'll order the most fattening fast food, and play video games till 3 am. I'll wear a mustard stained t-shirt with a cd burning software logo. This is usually when I hang out with the guys.

Between these fits of lust for girls and love for myself, these is a balance. This is my outwardmost view, and what I put to everyone who knows me well. It keeps me niether skinny nor fat.

The guys, I notice, vary their actions based on experience, drive, and age. Age I think is the most key factor. Age can determine confidence, and the other two factors, experience and drive. How much sexual drive a guy has depends on confidence, and confidence depends on experience. So essentially all these things are entwined in a sort of lustful web.

If a guy gets caught in this web, more than likely he'll get stuck for quite a while, before getting out.

There are good guys and bad guys. But you don't have to look out for the bad guys. You have to look out for the guys that are in the grey area between good and bad. You see, bad guys are just that, so heinous you can tell right off the bat; most girls will stay clear of bad guys automatically. It is these men who are actually quite bad, but view themselves as doing an ok thing, that you must be wary of. They will slap you in the face and think an apology and a rose will reset it.

They will undoubteddly cheat, and cheat to the point where they see no difference between good and bad. The most dangerous and convincing con-artist can even fool himself.

I tend to think I am a good guy. I wear lighter toned clothes to symbolize this. So called "bad boys" will like black. I like white, a prerequisite of purity and innocence, even though I have lost mine years ago. In fact, you will always see me wear white, khaki, or blue.

White, pure of heart.
Blue, deep and vast.
Khaki, a working man's color.

That's pretty much who I am. Although I do wear black sometimes, I don't feel right wearing it.

Once a cheater, always a cheater, remember that. Forgiveness from me comes less swift than ever for a girl that would lose my trust.

So a message to any girl who has found themselves with or had found themselves with a cheater:

Here stands a good man. They exist. Do not give up hope on the male species. Not all are dogs. All do have a dog's basic animal instinct though. Through refinement of character and will we suppress this to become a civilized being. We can interact and have a wholehearted conversation, just catch us when we aren't being fed, being walked, or licking ourselves.

You don't have to neuter us. No need to save our semen in banks for the day we don't exist. No need to cut off genitalia or have the motive to be angered to thus an action.

I don't know if this was a defense or speculation or explanation of myself. I just know that there are a few problems with women and their respective partners right now. I'm just generalizing the point that you must hate the person, not the gender.

Hate the person, not the race. Hate the baker, not the bread. Hate the dealer, not the addict.

Hate is a word that goes with pain, although I can never feel your pain, believe that I hate many things, including the same things you hate. I hate the way people are treated sometimes. I hate the people that treat the people the way they do. Hell, I even hate myself sometimes.

I won't say what the future holds. But if its one of these 3 things: revenge, remorse, or realization, then there was probably love. Love is not always lost. It changes hands sometimes. Remember tha every time you love, your heart is divvied into another piece, and afterward it should become equal to the other pieces. If it doesn't, something is unsatisfied.

If something is unsatisfied, then satisfy it. That is a key to being happy.

452 posts and growing, like a bad erection.

juliana theory has their own myspace.

http://65.54.184.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=1cdae2aa17e2af848d5873b330aea46b&lat=1095393614&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2emyspace%2ecom%2fthejulianatheory

my space is like a black hole it sucks you in.

as my patience wears paper thin for school, impending work still has yet to surface farther than the drug test.

looking at the girls on myspace who like TJT, its a wonder.

things are interesting. if i stay home because i don't want to go out, someone will call me to hang out. and if i don't like a girl, she'll give me her phone number.

been on the lazy side these past few days. the dirt gets dirtier.

i bought a new necklace to replace the one that that thai girl took. it cost 3.50 at American Eagle. Originally it was supposed to be 6.50, but heaven shone on my ass.

as a final flash of brilliance, i'll leave a note that i'm going to a Jimmy Eat world concert near the end of this month. it will be with annie.

I tried to chat with Laura online, tried. I said I haven't been writing anything nasty about her. What ended up happening is some backwash conversation and her abruptly and rudely being away.

To which I offered another ultimatum-esque idea, either we're good friends or I stop talking to her.

I strongly suggest looking at the post immediately prior to this and downloading those two things to set up the powerpoint presentation.

Its highly amateur, but it sends this message. I still care, and the past did mean something to me, even if you think otherwise.

Even if you can't put something sparkly around a girl's neck, some will shine anyway.

Noticed a trend that I win a lot in texas hold'em. Luck, skill, and experience fuse together in a sort of inheritedly good card player that is me.

Kris Patel's birthday today. Noticed a trend that birthdays must get progressively worse as time goes on. Had to ditch a group of friends to hang out with another group. How many times this happens.

I forgot my mom's birthday again I think. It could have been the 11th. Then again, it could be the 14th, I have no idea. She never calls to remind me, or even talk to much anymore, so out of sight, out of mind.

Which is not always the case.

I made something very cheesy with my time here on earth, dare I show it?

I said to Jeff that it was only for the purpose of reminding me of her, but maybe its more.

Its simple, its meaningful, its here.
(you better act fast, that link won't be working forever)
(you only get to see this side of me once, generally)
(you have to download the 2 things in the folder to get it to work, and there is sound)

Any-way.

Guess who came down from San Frisco? Jong, the airman himself. So he came down and we went to get pho and to the mall and stuff, I hung out with him for like 10 hours. I picked up a book at borders, it was "On Writing" by Stephen King. Read it halfway in about an hour. Am I some sort of hidden speedreader?

Later on we went to Jabbar's good bye party. Then to TGIF, then hopped to the Thai bar.

Gawd I'm nerdish without my contacts. Time to go get more. What color? Maybe blue.

Even Later still, went to Nam's friend's house, met some awesome new people.

I have a feeling me and Nam will be getting to be very good friends in the future.

I haven't done my java homework and it doesn't look like its gonna be done. Need to party hearty before I start my new worky jerky.

confirmed. roger. she has a boyfriend. over. mayday. we're going down.

Every great story paints a picture. Let me get out my fucking brush and oils.

Just kidding, writing practice here. watercolors. watercolors.

Theres a young man. He thinks a good thing won't let you pass it by. He goes to West Covina today to pee in a cup. He strays around, knowing he will never see West Covina again in life. He has adventures dodging cops because his license plates are expired. He talks to the locals. The place where his pee resides is then left; he waves goodbye and he takes the I-10 home.

There's no way you can pee in a cup without feeling just a little bit nefarious.

Things I'm thinking. I'm thinking if you get an Adios Mother Fucker, and its the first drink you get, shouldn't it be called an Ola Mother Fucker?
I'm thinking about how skilled I am at opening del taco hot sauce, an ineffectual talent, but nonetheless amusing. I open it with my teeth and right hand, with one gesture spread the sauce flawlessly in line upon the taco in my left hand.

Other hidden talents I have include writing 3000 application essays to UCLA and not turning in a single one, making exact replicas of Baskin Robbins smoothies, and increasing my tolerance to alchohol over a 5 year interim.

garg. blogger erased my long entry, so settle for a short one.

i got a new job. at best buy, fixing computers.

i made more foolery of myself in front of women.

i have replaced beer with poker.

Blasts from my ass, i mean, past.

now i know i wouldn't talk about girls but the subject demands it...

More on Cindy Dunn... One day after P.E. i was talking to Rov about the girl I always oogled at, and he said I should just be a man and ask her number. so i did. i called her once, and lost her number, like i always do. but this time, i did not get it back. if anyone out there knows cindy dunn, my high school crush, tell her sorry for me.

More on Jennifer... I remember seeing her around chatsworth. always walking with a group, always bubbly and cheerful. so opposite me.

More on Nam. coolest guy. we hanve to hang out again. and by hanging out i don't mean our boxers.

What happens when.

If there were a title on my head to walk around with, it should probably be " My liver is going to turn into sludge ". It would be the title of the chapter of my book on my life about this stage in life.

Drinking is all fine and good, but simply put: too much of a good thing is bad, and too much of a bad thing is even worse.

We just don't have much to do at this point, but drink. With drunken ferver, a lush man is all we shall be. Nothing to be, nowhere to go, and crystal is my attitude.

Some new recurrances soon. You'll see me running around in nothing but my glasses, because I have run out of contact lenses. You'll see me make the drive to City of Industry to go to work at Best Buy. You'll see my life slowly sap away in the void, main void of having no free time.

Gotta get to steppin i guess.

Just breathe.

As I briskly walked up the asphalt hill, the bell tolled. I was done with class, finally. The bell tolled for me, and was tolling for me obnoxiously loud. I looked at my cell phone/watch, it offered me 9:20 pm.

It was like a bad movie that had sucked me in. My life had been sucked out. Left feeling dry, alone and tired, I stumbled to my car and fit the key into the ignition. Then that song came on, that one that made me feel better, and I thought of all the things I could do when I got home.

I didn't do anything when I got home, because the song stopped playing in my head.

Now its friday, I have very little I need to do. Another day staring at the ceiling, feeling peculiar. Could/would/and should all form together in a type of army against me.

And as I would say to Sergeant Coulda Woulda Shoulda, what do these dreams mean? He would say that I should and could figure them out for myself.

I heard a good metaphor the other day. I think it was in an Audioslave song.
"The sky was bruised"

ok more of a personification, but i can just imagine what the sky would look like if bruised.

I want to get a huge group of personfications to go see Hero with me.

As i wake me up. I look at the clock and i'm an hour late to be at my Java class. So i guess i'll fuckin blog, and go to the second half of it after the break.

So more adventures with Jennifer. We go to In-N-Out for lunch yesterday, order the exact same thing. She brings me her year book from chatsworth (yes we went to the same high school), and she was a freshman who associated with such friends of mine as Huu, Nam, and she was even friends with my Chatsworth H.S. crush, Cindy Dunn.

I heard about Huu. The guy i gave all my games to when I was a kid, i'll never see those games again. Huu is dead. Car crash. His yearbook picture is creepy.

Ah yes, and Cindy Dunn. She is not dead. The girl I would see once a day at the end of P.E. and wave to, but never know her name until Rov told me. I finally got her number, called her once, then lost it. LOL. gee does that sound familiar. Like a cat scratching a blackboard thats how me writing this feels.

Speaking of girls i like, errrrrrrrrr, phone numbers, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, cute virgins. I gave my number to Jennifer today, told her to call me Saturday so I can go to her hawaiian dance thingie, they said they needed more guys. However her number was not asked, therefore fufilling my only goal with her this week: NOT TO ASK HER HER NUMBER THE FIRST WEEK OF FREEKIN SCHOOL.

omg 14 more weeks to go before i can even think about dating her.

you know how wierd it would be to go out with someone AND sit next to them in class?

her parents are the anal type that wouldn't let her go out with a group of friends unless they met all of them..... so i figured better not ask her to a group movie.

btw her favorite color as she so specifically detailed to me is "glacier blue". I guess my favorite color is blue, but i never really thought about what shade.

i'm going to stop blogging about women for a while. it makes me seem like a womanizer, but really its just whats always on my mind. blogging helps me get rid of those thoughts so i can think of other girls, ERRRRR other things, ERRRRRRRRRRR i'm not gonna dig myself out of this comment am i?

true, girls are always on my mind, when i'm single. (strategic second half of sentence)

So this might be the last blog you see for a while about Jennifer. One day she might learn about this website, and look to see what I wrote about her and the other stuff, er girls, at the time.

Finally i say that i will give Jennifer the benifit of the doubt, and maybe go out on a few group dates, but I don't think I can have someone so inexperienced and innocent anymore. She dresses very unique i should make a note. Her tops always give just that hint of her chest, and I don't think she owns anything that shows off any legs. Pants galore.There was no blue butterfly today in her hair, which dissapointed me and I had to deal with something else to hold her mane in place. I told her the meaning of black and white. I smell plutonic friendship, maybe thats just my reek of not putting on cologne.

First day of school, again.

How many first days of school in a lifetime do we get? 30? 40? 50?

This one was so exhuasting. Thank God CSUN found an old check from March and called. It was worth $224. I could afford all the $1.25 drinks pierce had to offer. Its like finding 2 hundred dollar bills on the ground. Where was this money when I REALLY needed it? That was my birthday month, fucking Christ.

So I wake up and putz to school. Wake up with 2 hours to spare, get there just on time. First person I talk to. A philipinA girl named Jennifer who's last name comes right after me on the class rooster. haha, rooster. Anyway, we end up talking and I end up reading her like a book and halfway bragging about my skills and talents and majors. I Knew she was philipina, working to be a nurse, with a bad influence old boyfriend. Maybe I'll tell you how I deduced all this from 1 question, when you're older.

What I didn't know was, that just a few minutes after that, i would be attracted to her.

I really wasn't looking at all, seriously, i'm happy enough being attracted to 3 girls in my head already, but here comes an all-powerful 4th.

She wears a pink jansport, a white t-shirt, and a blue butterfly in her hair. Heck she's like a female version of me. If I had boobs thats what I'd wear.

We talk and finally the sub-instructor comes 30 minutes after class should have started. There was no awkwardness between me and her, and a lot of smiling. Even 3 years older than her I smiled, looked at the ground, and moved my foot in a bashful arc on the dirt.

Lo and behold, she sits next to me. When I heard the instructor butcher my last name it was right after hers, he was reading them alphabetically. The instructor offered us stools to sit down, and like the dork I am i tell her my gay pickup line joke. The one that goes: "wanna hear a popular gay pickup line?" "may i push in your stool?"

All during the class I think she spoke out two wrong answers. I made 1 blunder, and spat out a "doh" before I could catch my dorkiness. I think I caught her smile, she smiled a few of the times I looked over.

I caught her writing. The cutesy girl handwriting that I just oogle over.

I said to myself, "Not on the first day of school". NOT on the FIRST day. Don't ask her number!

I didn't, I knew there was plenty of time to learn more about organic compounds, and her chemical composition within the course of 15 weeks.

However I did pull a Harold when I left. Not even a studdered word left my lips. I couldn't even say "nice to have met you". She eloquently pointed out I dropped my pencil, to which I mumbled "thanks," zipped it up, turned to the door and grumbled an almost inaudible "i guess i'll see ya" and didn't look back. That class was the best part of my day.

To think I get to spend 1 hour and 50 minutes with her monday thru thursday with her, I think will make that the brightest part of my day.

Fuck folgers! The best part of waking up is Jennifer in my cup.

Another Luke theory on Life:

The older you get, the more your life is worth.
Think about it:::::

Before you come into this world, when you're just a fetus, you're life is worthless, you can literally be thrown into the trash.

Then you are born and you're a baby, you have no posessions, no speech, no nothin'. If you die here people won't care. They will say "aww thats a shame", but nobody really knows you, they just feel sorry for what you could have been.

Next you're a kid and you have maybe a backpack and a lunchbox. This is probably the saddest part of your life to die in. I know a kid who was around this age and fatally got hit by a car. His mom been messed up ever since, like she had been the one hit by the car.

Lets skip to your twenties. My age. You have a car, but no house. You have gathered up a bunch of shit and junk and possessions, mostly worthless, but sentimentally to you they are worth something.

Late life you have a car and a house and a wife. Maybe you have kids early in marriage. All of the sudden you are worth a lot more to people. Maybe you're the breadwinner, maybe you're a stay-at-home dad, it doesn't matter. By this time you have many friends and many old baseball cards.

You die like Hugh Hefner with an estate and buried with 3 blondes. You have accomplished something. Or you die like a bum in the street, a piece of chicken pesto pizza given to you by some asian kid. You have accomplished nothing.

::::: Life is determined by what you do with your pile of junk you are handed. Its what you do with your shit that determines everything.

Likes and dislikes. When you're a baby you are fed a certain food, maybe its a certain color. You don't like the food, and hence don't really like the color. Later in life you are given a choice for a color of a car, and don't pick the color you don't like, the color of that food.

preach on.

Many things have transpired, and I can only remember a few.

Work is over, school is starting, and theres a few things I need to share and remember about being a Lifeguard, Swim Instructor, and Camp Counselor. The kids love me. I think I can handle a few of my own someday now that I have experience bossing them around. Although, I still wonder why kids are holding hands and kissing at such a young age, and what to say if I ever see that again. We had one deuce, thats lifeguard lingo for a poo in the pool. We had one throw-up. We had one bloody nose. I guess we had the bodily fluid variety pack. I cannot teach kids how to swim. Even with all my patience I don't like telling them the same thing over and over. Its easy to supervise kids as a counselor, it's like watching sesame street. All in all, the only thing you can threaten kids with so that they behave is sitting down.

By far the best day of the weekend was the day at El Torito. I didn't know El Torito was so poppin. For one, we got our drinks within seconds of ordering; the bartender was on speed. Yes, I'm not kidding you, a bartender on speed, go to the El Torito on Victory and Canoga and you'll see him, his name is Javier. Not a bad kareoke voice might I add.

After we got pleasantly plastered with every drink imaginable, we did the smart thing and decided to dance and drive home. Preposterous you say? I am glad to say everyone made it home, and came to work the next day, but not very proud. It was a party with all the lifeguards, I didn't know exactly what time it started so I was 2 hours late. When I arrived Coach and Richard had radish faces and I felt like I was missing out. These guys are rich from working at camp or something, they ordered rounds for everyone, sometimes 40$ to 80$ rounds of drinks for 8 people.

And we danced, I remember having my hands around a very stout latina, who didn't have love handles, but maybe love doorhinges. I remember singing songs I didn't know the words to. I remember the time of my month for under 10$. Everyone bought me rounds.

I was told I do everything a hot guy would do. Play guitar, Lifeguard, and Dance. I even write poetry and pay for my own place. It's true I'm rarely single for long, but I didn't do all those things to get girls, i swear. They just happen to be things I like.

some quotes cuz i feel like being funny again:

pers O n343: give me you snow board or i'll beat you up
WheresMyRiceBowl: lolz
pers O n343: living in an apartment again ?
WheresMyRiceBowl: soon
pers O n343: bring your snowboard !
pers O n343: so i can pick it up someday
pers O n343: $60 ?
WheresMyRiceBowl: was it 60 or 80
pers O n343: lol 80
WheresMyRiceBowl: lol
WheresMyRiceBowl: you viets are like jews i swear

hotturtlesex: dude the extent of your weirdness never ceases to amaze me
WheresMyRiceBowl: haha can i quote your ass on that
WheresMyRiceBowl: cuz you seem to blow things out your ass
WheresMyRiceBowl: jk
hotturtlesex: lol
hotturtlesex: yeah you can quote me
WheresMyRiceBowl: yay
WheresMyRiceBowl: wait...
WheresMyRiceBowl: which one is talking now?

haha reading other random people xanga's. mostly cute girls. very bored. its like watching reality TV. its fun to eliminate them before they even have a chance. i'm so dastardly fuckin evil. invader zim is my hero.

just making sure i never meet these girls:
a few down, a couple hundred million to go.....

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Sarcasticallyswt (pink shirt from forever 21 is one of her most favorite things to wear...)

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Thia (taken)

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=jennieboo8285 (19, innocent, and a virgin)

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Wahine5780 (uhhhh.... please stay in ecuador!)

ok ok ok okok... i really have to stop laughing now....

potentially i have just saved myself.... (multiplies in head) 8 years of my LIFE!

2 years for every girl. 4 girls. 1 for the relationship and 1 for the break up.

ohhhh.... i just thought of something. its pretty wierd i'm like the only guy i know that does NOT prefer a virgin. i don't even like virgin margaritas anymore.