Its my own fault for being lonely. The fault is my own.

I will never be anything until I break away from me.

Subtlety is wasted on the belligerent.

i'll just run on all my thoughts and worries, maybe they will go away.
i have no calculator too much bread too much dough too much bologna and too much woe
too much ramen too much hey man too much whoa man
i have called her and our subtle hints are confusing
i know what she wants and i know what i want but i can't say why don't we eat something together
i can only say its a good thing she's hungry
i called to say hi and if there was gonna be hanging out tonight i'd call her again
i didn't call to non-explode and have her call me back 2 times
i think it would be a good thing to lock myself in for a couple days
its obvious i'm being used and she does well without me
i need to think this over some more
like the time before
lol, like the lost lenore
i think she's a bore right now
sometimes
do i?
am i a man whore?
she doesn't want nice things or nice times with me
because she doesn't want me
the time i spent trying to please and make her feel better is nothing because she wants to be ignored

i guess i'll wait again.

fuck busy people i can pretend i'm busy too
fuck the friends who were there for you
fuck the lotto and the dog
fuck the pizza and the jog
fuck the drive and the job
fuck the candles fuck the cops
my neighbors argue all the time

a major fuck goes to all those awkward moments i've had with people

i think i figured it out.
about her.

she goes to many things but she never plans anything herself.
she never comes up with anything.
it always has to be planned for her. maybe with her.

the last thing i remember she planned was a party in her house with alchohol. thats all there was. even that i think she planned with people, and didn't come up with on her own.

told u i was mean. but its the truth, isn't it?

the truth is you couldn't really even figure out a way to get back at your ex either, you had to ask people about that one too.

thats why she is boring to me.

no imagination.

and i have no drive.

i'd do anything for her, but the truth is,
if we were a car, we would be a sedan without an engine.

i don't see any way for me to get more excited than i am. my drive is proportional to whats driving me. all the compliments in the world can't help get past that.

i would assume the other way holds true. compliments to her only get me so far.

for me, to get past the compliments phase, i need someone to hold my hand all the way through.

for her, i don't know what gets past compliments. or maybe i do. drive.

so theres a stagnant circle here.

i can't create drive without someone holding my hand. or at least putting a hand on my shoulder.
well, i can, but i just need a looooooooooooooooooooot of time for my procrastination and laziness to wear off.
and she can't give that hand on my shoulder until i produce the drive to produce the thing.

about the imagination, you say you'd be the type to go meet someone on the street on a dare, but would you be the one who would come up with the idea? nope.

balls. i have some. even if i don't have a spine.

balls! used here as a vulgar exclamation, cuz i didn't want to say fuck again.