Heh, thanks for the blog description, Jeffrey D. T.
I woke up at 4 today, no apparent reason, so i thought i'd do my blog for the day.

random bill cosby skits, she stood up in the stirups, the chocolate cake, and little jeffrey
or as i get a kick out of calling him, Mr. Resevior Tip.

anyway,
Did you guys see Mars? What a ripoff eh? It was bright, and it was orangy, won't see that for another 60,000 years.
If i was Stifler i'd say Mars can blow me.

(enter the MLA BA.E writing style)
Now, theres some things missing from my spurted cohorted dreams that push the ever so reality of life out of the envolope, spilling out onto the table for all to see here.. like getting junk mail in the afternoon, you sit there and sort through it all, look for that one gem, that ends up being a bill, or junk mail disquised as an actual letter.
You never really get a real letter. You just think you do. And when you do, you keep it until you lose it anyway.

And in the empty shoebox that is the mind, you're potential for storage is infinite, but taking out all the letters and finding them and remembering them at the same time is the hard part. Clutter can cloud cleverly.

Is hate really better than ignorance?

Why did grace really come down to see my band? was it pity? was it curious? i'm glad she remembered my guitar. that says more than words. But somehow i don't think it was to see me in a putrid state belt out semi-forgetable simplistic bantering music. Was it a gesture of goodwill? Did she really mean to say, "hey we can still be friends, just stay on your side of the fucking world, and i'll take my spaceship and go see you sometime. " ? i don't really think it was that, but
No doubt her friends and family still consider me witless and winless, but i don't think she does. She said she recognized Jenny, and then sometimes i hate the valley for being so small. They both have something in common, they believe in me. Or maybe the reality of it is that they believe in the POTENTIAL of me. i like laura because she liked me even after i told her my deepest shit the first day we met, and there was no world. money didnt matter, clothes, car, nothing did, and i knew off the bat it was genuine. I was stunned by her in her natural state, sweats and glasses and all, i thought she was very luminous. She says a lot of her friends have turned materialistic, i hope she never buys a 400 dollar coach bag, then i'd wear all the ugly nordstrom shirts she wants, :). She liked my hat.
She doesn't really read this i guess. But thats good, its like meeting someone and trying to get to know them speaking back to back. face to face is much better.

Because i don't think i'm all that great in potential, that yet.

Well, they don't have a cantonese class at csun, the only Japanese class is with Snyder-ass. and i don't know what guitar pedology is, so i'll have to forgo music too. 12 units it is. funny, Matt got into snyders class, you can't pity the willing.

I see constantly and consistantly a pattern in my friends, ever since junior high. make some, lose some. get better accuianted, get better assrammed. win some, draw some out of a a fucking hat. open yourself, close your mind.

If you follow the advice of the galactically stupid, you might get the wrong directions to the universe.
I've heard and seen the term, "Characteristically-Lacking", and wonder if i too am a part of the personality-impaired.

I'm picking up a few required books to read now, reading early, and taking diligent notes in class. I like being in school, but i don't like school.

I say things many times for those short of memory. The way you and me are now, trees from the way we were brought up. I saw the error of my ways, and i've gone from pushing people out of line as a snack bar bully, to a somewhat kind and sensitive man, the kind of guy who like long term relationships, and wants to get married someday. the "holy grail" of men.

Hanging around the guys at the apartment does bring out the worst in meeh tho. I'm constantly neandrathallic and insulting, if just to be funny or be funny to myself, i see it and i hate my old ways.

well, there was a lot more stuff i was going to write about. diddy reese obsession sustained, tennis urge still meandering. ramen reserves depleted. yes a lot more stuff, but i guess i chose to be long winded this time around, and you may not have understood much of this long winded blog, but,

i'm content if you just hum along.

i haven't written emails back to some... mike, bonnie, jenn, mom. but secretly i write these long things for you all. i want you all to know me, someday, and i don't mean to seem closed or unfriendly, which some see me as, and i don't want to hide certain feelings. me and grace talked about suicide briefly, is it slightly selfish? i'm glad at least i can call her grace now, instead of "my ex", or "o hated one" or something like that. guess this is truly moving on.

i could do it, but it would be an indignity never to talk about her.

You meet the best people in the strangest places sometimes, like big mike, again what a sad birthday to me it seemed, his 18th, and i could barely be there for him, he didn't have any friends with him and there was del schorcho sauce on his Big Fat Taco that stood for his birthday cake, along with crispy cut fries.

we lifted coronas with lime in nicks memory today, don't know if that was the right thing to do, but it sure made me feel better.

my my, its 5.