You should talk to me on AIM, i might say something stupid like this!

sailorsMoOn: so what kinda fun things do u have planned for this weekend?
CuteSamurai: well
CuteSamurai: band practice hopefully
CuteSamurai: and i might be starting my own fart!
CuteSamurai: i mean....FRAT
CuteSamurai: LOLOLOL

Enjoy my ramen haiku

Ramen, my soul food
Boils happily in a pot
I eat it, such joy!

and if you don't like ramen, you suck!

This http://sundial.csun.edu/sun/03s/netsclusive/briefcase.tharp.html was a block away from my house. :-O

ummm...... one question, who da fuck would want to blow up a mcdonalds???
is it a strategic military target? is it the terrorists way of telling us to cut down on the fatty foods? oh yeah, i forgot about the hidden nuclear warheads in the mc ribs.
how stupid.

Flop flop flop flop.

Wednsday night class, I find myself in front of the computer yet again.
I wonder many things, again:

Should I put a messege board up, so people can make fun of me?
Should I start a co-ed frat?
When will I get to go surfing again?
Who reads this crap?
Why does everything feel so different now?

Congrats to my man Daniel Le, from work, he got married, and he's like 20. He just eloped. I shook his hand. I respect courage and spontanuity. I don't know whether the man needs a medal of honor pinned on him or a medal of honor thrown in his face or a medal of honor thrown on the floor at his feet or a medal of honor pinned through his heart.
I don't know what possesses some people.
Eh, hardly know the guy.

I got a letter in the mail with a poem my uncle wrote just before his death, it was so happy and peaceful, I don't think it would be respectful to post it here, plus, I don't have it here, lol.

Can somebody hand me my jaw? I think it fell on the floor.

I'm in a daze and the world is out of control. So many things happening at the same time. I can't keep up.

Instead of an Alien Ant farm, I now feel as though we are just billions of channels on an Alien Cable Network.
Shoot, we all get boring, and I think this channel is about to be changed. Hand me the clicker, Ed.

Haha, friday isn't gonna happen, i chickened out today
buk buk, bagaaaak!

Random Coincidences:

3 days in a row now 777 comes up
People know people I know I know (thats a really awkward sentence)
I'm dating when I shouldn't be.

Hey if you guys like anime, check out "Love Hina", its not as sappy as the name sounds, its actually funny and deep. I can't stop downloading and watching it every night. My chronic insomnia might be returning....
On the wierder side check out Sister Princess. actually, don't, nevermind.

I find it wierd that I can hear a song nowadays and instantly identify it to something that has happened in my life.

I must be an only child.

Wasn't Jesus an only child?

Time to get a new life.
Time to stop blogging for today.

Bands to think about:
emo = good

Boy Sets Fire
Taking Back Sunday
The Juliana Theory -----------------> :D

meeting a girl that would be like me is impossible i now think

I meet girls differently. I don't randomly talk to them. I have to be in a class now or something. David did that today, I am actually inspired. This guy snoring at 107 decibels right by me forcing me to wear headphones right now actually has a hidden side. He does art, and paintings. I respect that.

Like I said, there is good in everyone.
And so add another thing to my list of things to do before I die.
Skydive
Threesome with Japanese twins
Make amends with father
Talk to a random girl

That in no way came from the movie "Austin Powers: Goldmember"
Any resemblence is purely coincidental
if all else fails, I refuse their right to sue.

I have explained the butting heads theory to my friends. My ideas seem to be like novelty food, interesting for a while, but nobody ever really catches on and starts liking it enough for it to become mainstream.

Jack has alluded to me the true nature of his co-ed service fraternity, as he calls it.
Sorry if I'm being snide, I'm still sceptical of it all.

But it has these virtues, from the boy-scouts, he says, which I find honorable indeed.
Be a Leader
Be a Friend
Be of Service

I'm not as hard headed as Jeff. So I shall think about it.
Good for a future job, he says, maybe meet a girl he says.
Join the army he says, see the world he says.

Friday I have a date?

New songs I learned on guitar recently:

Blink 182
Dammit
Josie
Adams song

Incubus
Drive
Pardon me
I wish you were here

Weezer
Say it ain't so

Offspring
Gone Away

So there's this woman fucking with my head. It really annoys me, but it feels oh-so good at the same time.
We spent hours arguing and playing mental tennis with each other on the phone till 1 AM. She was on the verge of telling me it was never gonna happen between us, but kept coming back, because "i might become rich and successful/famous". Its funny, she doesn't awknowledge the fact that we actually were boyfriend-girlfriend at one point, because she doesn't remember it, and she says 1 month doesn't count.
Haha, not like it matters anyway, I don't care, it's just for history purposes.
Her boyfriend list "wraps around the world". She offers to go miniature golfing with me or meet after class.
I laugh and say, "whatever", try to say good night, and she says, later homie or something like that.
Funny shit.
She could be reading this right now, I don't care.

Thats so not going to happen. But it could be an adventure if I so tried.

Lets recap my girlfriends shall we?
2nd grade crush, thats a wierd reunion waiting to happen
white girl forced upon me in a small town, still makes me shiver
party girl, now busy, old flame (oh but wait, this one doesn't count, lolol)
cute innocent girl turned psycho hose beast, we recently talked again, its like nothing ever happened
then there was the cheater
one missing

such a small list, what can I say, i wait for the good ones. then they turn bad. well each had their good points. we all have our good points. :)
i'll stop there

I know, not very good descriptions, but hey, i'm trying not to catagorize people anymore. I'm sure this blog will eventually mention them more. I'll try not to be so inside-jokish with myself and make the points clear.

This is the best weather. Forget sun-shiny days. This is where its at, right here. A cloudy gloom, a slight tinge of cold, but you are warm because you are bundled. Its quiet, and serene, perfect thinking weather. not raining, just cloudy. just the right temperature too. a cool glowy haze around yourself that is your body heat, the only thing that is shielding you from the the coldness of the world, and it feels just right. Reminds me of chicago. Let your mind go, Let your feet wander. You are unphased by anything that is about to happen to you.

Its not like a sunny day, that force feeds you to be happy and smiling. A cloud 1 billion times smaller than the sun has blocked harmful heat and UV rays for you. It says to you, hey there, little person, you can go your own way and do your own thing,i got this big dude out of your way for a while. You can relax.

The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders, for a day.

Strange days. I feel like I'm in limbo. Limbo with the opposite sex, limbo with school, limbo with everything.
Do the limbo.
I just hope the stick doesn't fall on my head if I don't make it.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that women are all around me. I don't need a certain one. This is a transitional period. There will be dating, there will be dancing. There will be laughing. There will be me making an ass out of myself.

I looked down leaving bio class a few days ago, and I notice this asian girl had a page of sailor moon art in her binder. That was pretty cool. I smiled as I walked by. I hate when I smile.

I looked around my aikido class, there are other girls besides aikido girl that are hot. What was i think. I've got to take things a little slower. I need to think more before acting on things.

Fucked up at the party friday, and got fucked up. Seriously, I need to wait a while before I start drinking, so I can remember stuff. Everything is a blur. A girl told me i gave her a foot massage, then i remember it vaguely. Thats scary.
Fucked up because we didnt have all the lights we bought out and on, and many people bailed. At least I know who the true "core" of my friends are now.

Harboring secret hates, thats not me at all, whats wrong with me, what is happening to me?

I must be changing.

I would just like to use this space to say that anything I say that seems angry or bitter or bad, is probably out of spite. And when I speak out of spite, its to hurt, because it is to let people know that i've been hurt. Revenge you can call it. It is in no way a reflection of my true personality. When, the rare time I do get angry, I let shit out, it happens, its not always true, but its said. Consider it garbage, and continue on with reading or talking.
This has been a public service announcement.

Funny, 2 people just sign off IM without saying goodbye. They have no idea it pisses me off.

Ok, after a full day of recovery, i am now ready to talk about these past few days.

1st..... the party
got drunk, dont remember much, eh, some of it is on tape. :)

2nd...... the Grace call
Yesterday. Day after the party, still in a drunken haze, I answer my cell phone without looking first to see who it is. Damn.
I had to confirm this with the fake greenly tinted 1 inch square screen. It was Grace.
She called, wanting to clear things, wanting to be friends.
We can be friends. But I don't want to be a shady shallow muddy backwater friend. I want to be a bright shining crystal friend.
She has been reading this. Which is sorta wierd, I kinda knew she was, but didn't think she'd pay it any attention.

This is my temple. This is where I heal my hurts.

3rd.... the Amanda Call
Wierdness, keeping up with the wierdness theme of the month I seem to be having.
Thats All I Can Say.

Ah, the aftermath.

Works over, party time.......
:D

Which is better. A sunrise or a sunset?

Is it better to be feel used, or to feel useless?

talked with jack a bit last night. I admire his knowledge of various things, and his condition similar to mine.

we actually had a talk about frats. I hate frats. I don't think he knows.

He wants me to start a chapter of his frat, which coincidently is the same frat whats-her-name's boyfriend is in.
I toyed with the idea. I could definitely do it. But I will not.

Frankly, I think its sad.

A frat is essentially a friend club. Its a thing you join to make friends. I don't see anything else they do. Do they help the environment? Do they help the homeless? Feed the hungry? They do help the economy tho, i suppose, with all the parties they throw and beer they buy.

If you can't find your own friends, or buy your own beer. you join a frat.
And these frat guys are mostly assholes.
They feel the need for popularity. They need to have as many friends as possible, to feel important. To be called on the phone. To feel needed. To increase thier chances with girls. To have something to do.

No, I will not start the friend club at CSUN. There are already enough. And their wooden signs aren't that much for decor around the grass, which is their only use.

Which brings me to something else Jack said. He said if that guy wasn't going out with whats-her-name. We would probably be good friends.
He said he was easy to talk to and cheerful.
He sounds like a fake person to me. One of those who are always cheery and laughing. One of those people you just want to smack around to get them to stop being so giddy. The annoyingness.
ok....changing modes....transforming into rational mode......

Brace yourself, this will be an intese journey back to graceland.
All Appologies. I realize I don't know this person, and so have no right to judge. Just like I will be judged if whats-her-name(i.e. she) ever talks about me to him.
I guess it does take a certain amount of self discipline to be happy when the world around you is sad. He's probably a strong lad. He better treat her right. I never once touched, hit, or hurt Grace out of anger. If he does that, he's a dead man if I ever hear about it. Otherwise, he sounds cool......i guess....
I gave her all my time. I guess I should have spent time on other things that were important too, that was a key flaw.
He's a UCLA boy, so probably smart, I always knew she'd hook up with a UCLA boy if I left. Inevitable.
Grace probably has something better for her right now. I can only hope she treats him the even better than I was treated.
She had been learning to express her feelings more with me I guess. You can call me a training session.
What she told David was nothing. What she told me was minimal to nominal. I'm guessing he is in line to hear the creamy goodness which are really the gist of Graces thoughts.
HaHa, but I don't even know his name...Jeff Something.

Peace man. Should we ever meet, maybe I will offer you a hand shake, and not a hand grenade.

Jack says it was Graces fault for getting with him. I can see that. She can be the flirt channel sometimes when she wants to be. All flirt. All the time. Hahah, the tv has to be turned on first tho, man, if you know what I mean. :)

My intelligence is deep, and I keep it hidden. Why? I don't know. I don't like being too nerdy I suppose.

:) tonight i'm gonna smile
i'm gonna forget about everything, and let my cares and worries melt away into dance and drink.

but let me clear some things first....
I don't really like anyone who's gonna be at this party, that i invited. maybe i will meet someone new, who knows
the contestants, forget about that, they aren't for me. amanda, forget about her, she has no time. i will meet someone when its time, i think its not time yet.

What i will do is this: I will get my degree. I will propel the band. I will find a girl later.
Those are my absolute goals
My higher goals are as follows: I will take the MCAT, get a doctorate, and become vet certified. I will transfer to a UC. I will breakthrough with my music. career. I will find.....

more wierdness.

Ever been walking and someone is coming toward you? What happens? Someone needs to take a step aside and get out of the way.
Only, you know that wierd feeling, when you are just about to butt heads, then you each make a move to the side, only you both move to the same side, and do that about 2 or 3 times?

Yes well, that happened 3 times to me yesterday.....

Why are people so insecure and awkward around me?
Am I that intimidating? Do I radiate strange vibes?

And another thing. The same happens to me with cars.
If I am crossing an intersection, and a car is going to cross my path, no matter how far away the distance is, they stop, and hold up traffic, and wait till I walk my ass across.
They never continue on and cross in front of me.
This always happens.
Its wierd.

Preparations for the party are going awry.

It's still gonna roxsor tho. :)

Ok what wierd hasn't happened to me in the last few days?

Went shopping and bought some patches and chains. Try to set a new image. This guy at the counter was like talking to me, in hot topic, and HE said I was WIERD.

Talked to a girl on the phone, and she said I was wierd.

Saw another friend randomly, Tomas, and that was WIERD. He came over and so did Jeff and gretchen and we played smash brothers and street fighter. Awesome.

Went to pierce, the library, and they were out of my book, then met 2 old friends at my new class.

Jack wanted to take me bowling. I thought not. Bowling and pool aren't my thing. Leisure sports. bleh.
Plus, I need to learn about recursion in class. bleh.

I need a sport you can sweat in.
Sex should be a national sport.
Ok I'll leave now before things get any wierder.

Note:

Jack is a good friend. He is worthy and honorable. Be better friends with Jack again.

What to do, what to do. Is anyone out there?

Ok ladies and gentlemen, there are now officially 3 girls I can ask out.

Took another walk with a girl, biology girl. This one was really short, and ended up with me mumbling something and romping off rather than laughing and going nuts.

She's coming to the party, and she's bringing friends.

So, all 3 girls are gonna be at the party!!!!!?!?!?!

Yes, I am doomed. I have to make my move, but on which one.....
analyze with me.

Contestant number 1:
Really hot and spontaneous. Knows how to talk and walk and do all that girly stuff, but still stays independant and strong. Has a slight problem with keeping in touch. Likes being busy. Can not be rellied on too heavily, has her own agenda, her own buisness. Has her own problems.
-Long lost girl

Contestant number 2:
Sweet and soft and nice. Down to earth. Good natured and good tempered. A little awkward and does not share the same interests.
-Aikido Girl

Contestant number 3:
Shy and sexy. Has problems talking and opening up. Not much in common at all. Not fun to talk to.
Smart and laid back. Needs a red bull or something. Very dependable.
-Biology girl

Now, these are girls I have observed had made or did something to confirm interest in me. I know school is not a dating show, but damn, I feel that if I don't find someone, with all these girls around, I will never move on and end up like that movie 40 days and 40 nights.

I should just wait, but can't. I only have so much time till........

Ah, but I think I have solved the question for myself. Obviously the order I put them in is the order in which I care the most.

http://www.csun.edu/~sma38110/dyesworld/

my homie Rodolfo's really wierd comic, I think its about his relationship, and life, but then again, who knows, I think its pretty damn cool.

Ok, i let that sit through dinner. Amazing. How many single guys does it take to make a steak dinner?
obviously three.

*cracks fingers. now I shall tell about my wonderful day today. And I'm not being sarcastic. I hate that shit. However, i understand it.

Started off routine, slept through biology, came back to the never ending sleep over party that I now call home. Got to aikido class a little late, the party got to me.

Then, during class, a girl asks if she can use my sweater, for what reason, I really don't know. It really is a sauna in the kinesiology attic. After class, she gives it back, and I fake hug the sweater like I missed it or, if taken the other way, loved her sweat.

Strange how things happen. As I now listen to What Is Love on winamp, I am reminded how cheesy it is, not the song, people. Love.

And strange things happen, the other dudes who I usually walk with after class left, mysteriously, and I was left with this cool girl, and she asked which way i was going, to get back home.

We walked. It was so great to get to know another person. My people skills are weak, but I do think I made an impression, when at the end of our walk and talk I leapt up and down like a crazy man when explaining the party and the fog machine and the bubble machine to her. She said calm down, and laughed, then I laughed, and left her. For we had reached her class.

As the moment went, turning to look at her over my shoulder, I was amazed. It was just a walk, but it had meant so much.

Immediately, I broke into a wild sprint. Grabbing random people by thier shoulders and telling them, "LIFE IS GREAT!"

I can say my spirit truly has returned. These people, they don't understand, you should have seen the looks they gave. Jeez, you try to tell someone life is great and they just give you a look, like life sucks. Sad.

Anyway, I'm happy. And girl who walked me to my class, I thank you it truly is the little things that count.
This f'in song has played 5 times while I've been writing this!!!! lololololol

Heres are some song lyrics that have helped me through my hard times, I hope someone can understand, or get something out of them.

1. I think of our times together, is it fading, or am I dreaming? Everything you said is done. I cherish our memories. I wanna kiss your tears away tonight. Its hard to give up the one you never thought you'd leave.
- The Juliana Theory - August in Bethany

2.i saw a star beneath the stairs glowing through the melting walls. who will be the first to begin their fall? or will we become one? am i the star beneath the stairs? am i a ghost upon the stage? am i your anything? i saw a star beneath the stairs glowing bright before descent and in the morning there is nothing left but what's inside of me. and i don't want to die tonight; will you believe in me? and i don't want to fall into the light. will you wish upon? will you walk upon me? i don't want to die tonight. will you.
AFI - Morningstar

ps. its a nice song.
pps. when I say its a nice song, its an awesome song

3. It's alright too tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling and your pictures are falling down

The steps that I retrace, a sad look on your face

A day late a buck short I'm writing the report
I'm losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now

And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
-If you don't know what song this is you don't deserve to live. Sorry.

4. AND my final thoughts, shown through song lyrics.
I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
-figure that one out by yourself
I will state that it is a Jimmy Eat World song

I'm gonna let this sit for a while.
I need to think. You need to think. You know who you are.
You who are in love. You who will be in love. You who were in love.
I wish you all well. As I go into my sundown.

The phone rings. I am happy.

Date on Tuesday. Life is great.

I've progressed to 3 word sentences.

Stupid crush.

Stupid phone. Never rings.
For me. Here anyway.

2 word sentences. Our band has 2 word song titles.
Theres a lot you can say in two words.
Call me.
Get lost.
You bitch.
Fuck you.

Ha Ha......
I perfer Haiku:

A gentle hand
Struck me down, violent
Love's words hurt

3-5-3

It's not that I'm mad, I wasn't shot down on Valentine's at all, its the afterglow thats painful, watching the phone, not wanting to go anywhere for fear of missing it. How weak.

But I'm feeling like a catnip toy being played with by some big cat for a while.

Ah, the flirtage. They say this is the best part of a relationship.

Do we all just want sex, and get it over with?

Girls need it, but don't admit it. Guys need it, and admit it too much.

The patterns of this world are habit forming.

Abstractness. Is it artsy or is it annoying?

Its funny how you talk to people you never really knew,
You get to know these people and realize they aren't half bad.
And you're like, where the fuck have you been?
When its you who's been gone the whole while.

Note about Valentines Day:

It shouldn't take a holiday for you to show your feelings.

I learned that.

Butterphingers: dammit, only 2 pieces of chicken in this damned pie.
Butterphingers: and they said 30% more chicken!!!
Butterphingers: 30% from what, 1/4 a pieces?
whereSmyRICEbowl: haha
whereSmyRICEbowl: thats why i dont put my faith in pot pies
Butterphingers: i'm gonna go buy ramen on the way to work, lol
whereSmyRICEbowl: bless you child, for now you see the way
Butterphingers: lolol

ok ok one more post for tonight: this was too funny:

IMxHOTx16: how did u get 96 people?
IMxHOTx16: i didnt know u had that many friends
wheresmyricebowl: lol

inside joke i suppose, but still funny

Teachers. And learning. And stuff.

This guy comes from CSUN. This guy just drones on and on. i hate that, lol, thats my job.
I'm very self aware.

I have a lot of self confidence right now. I was like walking down the street with my head held higher than I think I ever held my head before.
God its a friggin weiner fest in here. All nerdy asian and middle eastern guys with sweaters, cardigans, and turtlenecks. Is this really who I am?

I think not, even tho I wear a sweater. I think I'm more of the cute guy who works very hard, and in your biology class type

I think I'm flooding the blog server. Well, if I didn't blog I'd probably fall apart.

hmmmm, back to teachers. Yes, teachers depend a lot on whether I pass a class or not. Basically I pass a class if I feel like it, and if I don't agree with the teacher I punish him or her by failing the course. Its my only way to tell them they are doing something wrong. Granted, I've only failed a few classes in my time, but I assure you it was always a descrepency with the teacher or teaching method they used.

I am used to learning things by myself. I need time to think over things, then I truly understand them. Breakdancing, DJing, Guitar, Computers, I all learned by myself, with no help. Ever. Hell, i could learn nuclear physics if you gave me a book and some time.

I learn fast. Fast learner. Yep.
Here's the catch, I almost always miss something, something small, but something significant enough to affect. Thats where the teaching comes in.
Holy shit! He busted out a cool qoute!

To quote Mr. Putnam. Everything in life is optional.

I think I won't need to blog for a while. I've cleaned my system, and class is now over. I've written a lot today, just scroll down. I'm sorta scared, there might be people out there who don't know me, slowly learning about my inner workings, plotting against me. Haha, that was funny. Ok, thats it for now, whoever you are. If you wish to talk to me and let me know of your evil plans to throw over my random regime, email me at luke.g@csun.com
and don't spam buttholes! LOLOL

Love.

Here's a little ditty nothing about love, which is absolutely void in me now.
Moulin Rouge was all about love. I think I'm just like that writer in the movie, he was a hopeless believer in the power of love, love is all you need. I won't take it to that extreme, but love is very powerful, you must realize that.

now: understanding
My ex thought I was not like the writer in moulin rouge, but like Adam Sandler in that new movie, can't remember the name right now. Now I don't think she really understood me. Though I secretly understood a lot about her, I told her I didn't, which probably set me adrift in her lake of loathing.

Amanda truly believes in me. She believes I will be successful in the band. I know its weak to depend on someone else to push you, but I'm very sociopathic really
www.dictionary.com
look it up
Comparing Grace and Amanda, just can't be done. Apples and oranges gentlemen, apples and oranges.

Driven, yes I must be driven to do good, and thats exactly how I feel now. I was sitting on a keg of gunpowder, and the break up blew me up.

Hey me, remind me to post my songs, even tho THEY SUCK! hahahah, you suck, me! You are nothing, me! ME, bow to me!
Ok.....I'm a freak, ahahaha

Isn't it funny how life changes overnight?

I wake up each day and its an adventure. I love that feeling.
Like anything can happen to you, at any given time, and you can make anything you want out of it.

I've come to the realization that I fall in love too soon.

Is that so bad? I mean, after all we are only specks in the dustpan of time.....uououohhhh I love that metaphor! I'm a farking awesome writer. Right now, I'm in class, and the teacher is barking away about the syllabus. Pierce Community College starts late, for those of you higher ups. Next semester I get my two year and can transfer to get upper division status at CSUN

You know what, my grades shadow my life. When I try, I get all A's. Otherwise I fail. No in between. All or nothing.

Where will we be in a year?
Thats a question that has always astounded me.

Just a reminder to peeps, this blog goes in reverse chronological order, so to get the first half of the Amanda story, go down before the last post

woot :)

the amanda story: continued

well so we went out, and things started to go wrong i guess
it was cool cuz we could like talk forever on the phone, but sometimes she had to go so soon, and some weeks i'd barely talk to her.
back then I didn't really have transportation, but I had my own place.
anyway, long story short, we lasted until december, about 2-4 weeks before christmas

I did wrong

I ended up starting to like someone else, and I thought the thing with Amanda was going nowhere.
It was probably one of the worst descisions of my life, when I was talking to her on the phone.
but at least I had told the truth. I never let my conscience eat at me. the truth comes out of me like a regular bowel movement.
Yes, so she was in tears, I remember, and she told me before I hung up she had bought us bracelets or necklaces or something engraved with our names. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it hurt.
It hurt because i realized that it wasn't her fault she was busy and couldn't call me or hang out.
I had made the wrong choice, very wrong. For the girl who I left Amanda was...... i don't know how to describe besides a big mistake also.

So we parted and went separate ways.
2 years later, I have a class with her.... and her boyfriend. Oh the joys.
All i can say is that her boyfriend became a good friend of mine, and he was one of the most honorable men I ever have known, to this date, but I guess they didn't work either, cause by the time the class was over, they broke up.
I wasn't after her because I had Grace, adn she wasn't after me cuz she had Joel.
So we never talked outside of class.
What a pity.

Ah, but I do things randomly, and after my big recent breakup a month ago, I decided it was time to move on. The only one I was thinking about was Amanda, and how things were left unresolved between us. So I sent her an email out of the blue.
Oh by the way, there was a long period of time before Grace, and I hand delivered flowers to her door for valentines, on a whim, just to be random again. Errrrr.....big mistake, I learned she was going out with someone, probably Joel. I hightailed it out of there and didn't speak to her again, until the class.

Ah the joys of chemistry.
There has always been a chemistry between us.
Maybe I can finally found out what it means.

Can't think of a good way to end this, other than I can't wait till she calls.

awwwwwwww, playin email tag with a hottie.
right now she's it, lol

friggin work, friggin rain, friggin night classes
at least i have time to play the friggin guitar, thats what i love
today i learned every blink 182 song i ever wanted to know.

woke up and watched moulin rouge on our new HD cable! awesome
if the ending wasn't so whack i might have said i liked it

trying to find Y Tu Mama Tambien on kazza is hard.....
i remember people don't believe me when I say I like something,
maybe i should put more enthusiasm when i say it

well, i like ramen, i like hot pockets, and i like Amanda
and i think Amanda likes me, very much

feel sorry for david, he's had hot pockets for dinner and breakfast for like 3 days now
but jabbar says thats natural for him
ah well, any man who can eat hot pockets like that is ok in my book, hahaha

ah, i think i should tell the story of amanda....

it started way back in history....
it was.....my friend's cousin's birthday party.....yeah.....
i was breakdancing in the living room and she saw me
during which she was on the kareoke machine and she yelled out
"damn he's cute!", when i got up
that was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life
i didn't know what to say
no girl had ever been so bold with me before
she could match wits with me
and i fell for her that night

we ended up going out

Strange day came from a lucky day, got an IM from an old friend. Get rained on hard by clouds that hate me. Write more songs in bio class.

I think i'm heavy into the moving on stage, i'm past the hanging on stage.
thats good.

damn, i'm tired of sleeping on the futon. my dad keeps procrastinating with buying the bed.
To let you guys know:
my father is my arch rival.
the perfect NON-role model
exactly what i DONT want to be when I get his age.
if the bed doesnt come this saturday, like he said, after he changed the date 6 times, i am disowning him
i'm sick of it, last thing i need is him still holding me back

Body movin.

ALRIGHT! the girl who I had been jocking for like 2 years sent me an email back, telling me she'd love to hang out sometime! She said she'd call, I can't wait for that. She's such a sweetie.

Awesomeness ensues.
Serious, this has been a great day, nothing can stop in my way.
Cable got hooked up, got the Peanut Butter channel. Internet is up. I'm up.
I'm typing my work and an account number - 777 comes out!
AWESOME.

I should go to vegas with this type of luck
alas, i'm not a gambling man.

I've built esteem with a friend for helping him with his homework.
Days go by, and they just get more awesome, um.... er, awesomer

Nothing can stop me now, i'm on a roll.

This weather sucks, I have to swim to school now.
At least I found a use for my bright yellow slick backstreet boy pants.

Now i just need to get some shit done. Like go to target, fix up the place, and work on my guitar skillz.

Please God, don't make me say something stupid if I go out on a date.

Haha, I was humming "He-man" in bio class today, I don't think that girl likes me anymore, haha, good, she had a flat butt anyway. lol

Plans, parties, and patience. All good things come to those who wait.

wheresmyricebowl: dude, say something funny so i can post it!
StriderShinji: cant think of anything
StriderShinji: lol
wheresmyricebowl: good enough!
StriderShinji: no foo
StriderShinji: lol
StriderShinji: how about i wish my girl was dumb so i can impress her with my usless knowledge of nothing
wheresmyricebowl: awww
wheresmyricebowl: haha well i hope that makes somebody laugh....
StriderShinji: luckly noone will read it
StriderShinji: lol
wheresmyricebowl: BAHAHA

Must.....blog.......noooooo

Things are starting to shape up at "The Pad". We got that elegant all black look. Not to mention my room looks like a rave, but it does, haha. Spent too much money on it.

Jeff and Gretchen are now official. They just hooked it up, in Jabbars room. LMAO, boy was he pissed.

About time I say. About time....

Now last night Jabbar had a little skirmish with someone who I will not mention, and that makes me wonder...... what the hell is wrong with me? When will it be my turn?

I need a strong, independant woman who knows what she wants.
I need a woman, not a girl. I need someone who is truly faithful, forgiving, and interesting.
Maybe I just need a puppy. lol....

Is this really work? I have to wonder, I get paid for hitting a plastic board with my fingers. Anyway, can't wait for the internet, Its coming to my house! Tommorrow! He'll be here, yay!

Ah, personification of the internet. He's a nice guy, there when you want him. Interesting. Never lets you down. You grow addicted to him. Then he goes out on you.
MY GOD! it sounds like me!

i have a confesion to make people.... I AM THE INTERNET!

just kidding, I'm the internet's little brother, who's always bugging him and tagging along.

nah

This is my United States of Whatever.

People are over at the place everyday, I'm not really used to it. Like every day is a party. Why me? I didn't want to be invited. But its cool, that is until people get drunk and barf on the new rug.

Gosh I almost asked the biology chick out today. Lets not get desperate now.
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic. Stuck in the swivels of time and tangled in tiny trivial tangents.
Awesome Alleteration skillz, dudez.

Anyways, so rodolfo talks to me, and mike's comin over.

I'm living a new life. People like me. I must socialize.

Like the dog who gets his nose rubbed in poop to housetrain. I must meet these people. Learn to make friends again. Start over. There's no way to begin.

Next time on the Luke Channel:
Luke emails a long lost love and sets the mermories of a past one in flames.
Only on the Luke channel. All Luke, All the time.
Thanks for watching.

Music.

wrote 4 songs today, i don't know what came over me. they al have idden meanings and are deep, but outwards would seem shallow. I even put some politics in there. go me.

music is my life now. some people listen to music to fall asleep. i listen to wake up.

and another thing. I would never join a frat. Frats are like farts. you only need them to feel better.
wow what an original quote, i don't think anyone has said that before.

one club i would join is the bio club, you know those hippie chicks are hot, ohhhh yeah.......
nah seriously, I'm nto the save the world thing, and save the animals.

i must find a way to passively save the world.

Here are my Ideas to Solve World Problems:

1. Find a way to effectively induce endo-digestion - here's the skinny - in the bottom of the ocean there are fish that live off worm cultivations in their stomach, these worms live symbiotically with their host, the deep sea fish, and cultivate bacteria, which the fish digests with a separate part of their stomach. they effectively have "farms" growing in their stomachs and never have to eat! or eat very very little
now granted it would take a hell of a lot of bacteria to support the life system of a human being, but I believe it would some way be possible to have farms of worms or microbacteria or plankton, that way we would have to eat very little to survive. imagine REALLY living off an apple a day......
Thus, I have solved world hunger.

2. No more lost dogs or animals - gps, or global positioning systems are becoming so small now, they are being put into microchips. we can put these in our dogs and our cats and when they get lost or run away - we pull out our gps locator and find them! this is just now starting to be put widely into effect. Um, i guess if the gps isn't moving, you must assume the worst..... now, if only i could get a patent.....

more ideas later, i have a million multi-million dollar ideas

UNIVERSITY HELP DESK FOR LIFE~!!!!!

haha. ahem, well. I've come to a few conclusions about my life.
It's definitely getting better now that s h e is gone. I mean, I have my own place, girls calling me out the yin yang, food, drink, and ramen. yes ramen makes everything better. thanks gretchen. Its funny that it took that for me to come to the astounding truth.

another conclusion is the fact that all my friends think grace is a bitch. not true. also which makes me wonder, its probably the same way on the opposite side. only i get to be called an asshole or something like that. yay, promotion to asshole.
My answer to that is this: I don't know who reads this or who wants to know, probably nobody cares, well fuck you, these are just my thoughts, I am free to express my opinion.
There's slander behind both our backs probably, and I for one don't think thats fair. Nobody knows me, I've come to that descision, nobody truly knows me.

I do not think Grace
is, or was, a bitch, let me just state that. Angry words for angry times, thats all it was. I'm fair.
She just acted poorly towards the end. We all did. So mutually we were asses and bitches. There, I hope thats settled. It is in my mind at least.

A lot of talking going on. Spent the night talking to David and Jabbar. The roomies.
It feels like I have gained 2 blood brothers.

Erg, hate to do it, but here's more ranting on Grace. A chapter in my life that is closed. What do I think of her not talking to me? Good I say. It takes someone stronger to be able to talk when it hurts. But are we truly enemies? I think she will adhere to whatever her friends say. Let me speculate on what they say about me. I was an ass. Yes. I called her when I was not suppossed to. I hung on a little to long. Yes. I had one day where it all broke down. But thats it. I've come out a new man. I've come out of it stronger. close to 2 years of my life, and I'm supposed to just forget about and move on? unfair.
But yes, now its been a month. time to move on, time to move on.

So I was an ass, thats what they will say, maybe because they want her to feel better, and because they don't know me. Fine.
I have to laugh at the fact she had to find solace in another guy. Find someone else to help heal her hurts. How weak. Well, she's a girl, its only natural. I stress the word girl. A woman would say something. Come forward. I'm tired of these girls who don't know what they want. She probably still needs to figure herself out.

Ranting done.
I do babble a lot. Nobody's ever said it to my face. Though I know. Also, its not always good to rantsome thing are better left unsaid....
I would say that I solved my own problems, albeit I went about it the wrong way. But I had few to turn to, and fewer to depend on. I refuse to just fall for the next girl to come along. How cheap. I am my own fortress.

God I must sound so fucking egotistical. Sorry. Well, at least I am self-aware then. oh yeah i'm suppossed to talk about myself, well its a blog anyway so :P

My thoughts. Its who I am. I am honored to share them with you. Anyone who would take the time to read this, for curiosity, for spite, for pity, for anything, I applaud you. It must take some effort to sift through the random-straightforwardness that is my brain. Oxymorons are cool, and warm.

Ever notice how people don't take emails and IM's seriously? I think its a very formal media to transmit thoughts an ideas. Very novel, very modern. Typing, it takes more effort than talking, maybe thats why. Its very convenient too, you can respond in your own time. What i HATE is when people don't respond. Its like, your taking the time and effort to communicate with them, the least they could to is try and communicate with you.

I think my writing is improving. I might take the time and minor in english and journalism, it might be useful. Also Jeff is really gettin me into the coolness of mustangs, they really aren't that bad now that I look at them.....

Motorcycle or mustang? I wish I had a voting thing to put on my website. But I'm just a poorboy.
I need no sympathy.
Easy come, easy go.

Still no response from my secret crush..... :(
I sent her an email but she hasn't responded. lol all I said was hey whats up, call me :)
ah bummer.....well...there is this other girl in my biology class.....
yeah....speaking of hot babes, we took a vote and we're gonna get the playboy channel at the new pad
woop woop. beats skinamax
cable doesnt come in till the 12th tho
guess i have to find other ways to amuse myself........
really tho, i dont watch tv, i'm just excited about the cartoon network so i can watch dragonball and tenchi muyo and shiznit, the only really things i like. blind date has always been cool too.
the girls made us brownies the other day....awwww how sweet
if i had any romantic interest in them i would have probably made a move, but, i chose to read george carlins book instead
george carlin knows whats up

had a meeting with my cool manager today..... her name is linda..... shes asian i suppose, must have been so hot when she was younger, but she's into dogs now, and thats so cool
i found myself averting my eyes sometimes. i must do that with women i'm intimidated by, or like
glad i caught myself

so, on with life, i have to move the big stuff today like bed, and go buy things to eat at vons
i think thats called grocery shopping, but hey, i wouldnt know, lol
ah, ramen, ah the good times we will have together

take care everybody, there will be more repostageization (cool new word i just made up!, try getting a triple word score in scabble with that one! LOL) on monday, lates peeps

I feel like I should write something about the space shuttle.......
there, i just have.

hahaha.

ah, but what a tragedy. it would seem like the best scientists in the U.S. could stop a plane like a football (american) field from blowing up... i guess we are all idiots
at first they thought it was terrorism. i mean, COME ON, blame blame blame

thats why i have no respect for this country

like they say, this world is full of tragedy

you must find the comedy in life, and learn to laugh at it. then you are truly strong.

i think thats all i'm posting for today, must "work" again
till tommorrow, my thoughts run rampant without recluse

GREAT DAY!

I woke up like WTF where am I. just like i knew would happen the day before.

Sleeping in a strange place..... i feel like i've been sleeping in strange places all my life....
But at least I've had homes to come back to

I've always had a weak spot for the homeless. Because i would never want to end up in their position. Helpless. They can't even help themselves. Pity. Irony

Hilarity always insues. David cracks me up. Most people don't even know about this website. They will. They will.

Music is my life, and now with my own place, I can finally get something done. And maybe this girl will inspire me.

Um, I think, from now on, i shouldn't put an empty line between my thoughts, but its important to understand how my mind works.
Ah well, just assume its there then.

As for writing, and scripts, and my life story. All in due time, all in due time. I have many ideas now. Music comes first. Must......become.....millionare!
Joe Millionare, never watched it, don't need to.
Don't need to watch TV
But its hard when you have a 42 inch flat screen around the house now. well its not mine, but i just bask in its warm glow in awe
BET never looked so good.
what a waste of time
I should be working.
So off to work I go
Thanks for lending the eyes, friends.
(line)
but theres so much more to write about.....
this year will truly be great, i am finished dying, i am living
david does yoga? HAHAHA, ahem, ok
thats pretty cool, i meditate in my room sometimes in the samurai way
working out, did 120 situps this morning and 50 pushups
inspired, motivated, i can take on the world.....

Ah yes. moving on. I am moving on. Everyone tells me I should move on. So I indeed am.

Hey guys, just a joke about you wish you could write like me. lol. people don't understand my humor....

Rodolfo sent me a messege. maybe things are actually taking a turn for the good.

And I finally figured out a girl I can work hard for. One that would appreciate me. Now if only I can get her by valentines day....

This girl. I've actually dated her before. and she's the only girl I actually ever left because I had feelings for another. It was around Christmas time, and the air was cold. So was I, I guess.

I hope using caps is easier on ya'lls eyes, I hate using caps, one extra button to push, to comply with the rules that are set down by people who don't even know us.

None of you know me. I can't get a straight answer from anyone as to who I am, or what I'm like. I must figure this out by myself, me thinks. I must make who I am.

But anyways, this girl, I really broke her heart. And its about time I got back and made up for it. Even if she doesn't go out with me. I'll still feel better that I tried. Up till now she was dating someone else, they broke up. I just came off a break up. Valentines day is coming up....add it all up. Now the tiger must pounce! hahahaha

The band is gonna be great. My personal music endeavors will come together. Everythings gonna be fine. And uh..... that other girl.....what was her name again........ bwahahahahahahah!

alright, on with the posting. you wish you could write like me

I have many things to write about. My life is a big f'in drama, and it seems to only thicken as time goes on. There were simpler days. yess..... my co-worker is reading this now, and making me uncomfortable, lol, hahahahah

alright thats cool vinh, read on.....

why should i apologize? like down there? what have I done? well i'll tell you.

i say whats on my mind no matter what, and that upsets people, i know, well i can be deep and dark, and i can be bright and cheery. woot for bright and cheery!
i'm just going to have to explain things very slow.

i realize my blogs are like 8 minutes apart. wtf. i have some issues to deal with here.
just lemme alone to do mah thing.

i hate gangster typing, i mean, its so fake, who talks like that in real life? i mEaN iTs rEAly haRD to REad This ShEIt, you know foo? you get it my twigga?
i hate vegtables
i hate funky smells that i dont know where they are coming from. like the kind that come from steamed vegtables

interesting fact: if you eat corn, and beans, you are getting the 8 main amino acids your body needs
i like corn, and i like beans :)

always with, the new routines
i get it, i got it..............

my thoughts free flow.

theres this guy in my office, he's got his own record label! he's called pharoah mc, you can find his songs on like kazaa and winmx
he likes the band - www.muffish.com - haha, another shameless promo

hmmmm, shameless porno........ oops sorry
hahaha
hey, shut up! i have wierd humor!

i feel i must type everything, and cleanse my soul
vinh says to tell you guys that i wish i was a freshman
HAHAHAHA

funny vinh.

about the only thing why i would wish i was a freshman iz..... haha, there is no reason

hmmm, lost train of thought, people talking to me.
damn people to hell!

no really, you wish you could write like me

Erm, i think i should apologize. to everyone. about writing about them. i realize that some people might not want to be wrote about.

Apologies to:

Mike
Rodolfo
Francis
David
Jeff
Jabbar
Francis
and Grace

Someday they might read this, they might be offended. don't be.
I just need to let feelings out.
I choose this way because I'm accustomed to typing on the computer.
Apologies in advance too, to the same people and to many more, because I will always keep typing.

many i've hurt, many have hurt me. its all part of the game of life.

I just need to calm down, and sort things out.

Aikido: calming breath, breath in, breath out

Thanks everybody for the kind understanding.

word up, bored ones, here again eh? Dude, had a gripping day talking to mike about all kinds of shiznit. He's like where I was a few years back, his degree will be his saving throw. I'm changing my ways, a degree will be just my insurance. Also in some ways, thats commendable for him tho, to all his friends he can be the dependable one, the stableness, the rock. Francis, he's another story. He wants to be an accountant. Finding out about my friends really helps me see who I am, and where I plan to be. I realize I haven't spent enough time with them. college man, this is the time when you make bonds. The party of the century, yes....can't wait for that, thats what its code name is.....the party of the century. I start preparing today. Hmmm. I've always been a thinker. Lately maybe I have been thinking too much.

I've completely changed from who I was, to this thing I am now. It doesn't seem like anybody likes me better, but they respect me, and maybe understand more where I'm coming from. blah blah blah

the songs, the band.... www.muffish.com if oyu haven't heard. long story, i've known these guys a long time, except for fernado, i never even met him.

I'm going to tell the a short story about Rodolfo. I hope he doesnt mind. Now, some say rudy and some say dolfo, and i even remember lumpee calling him r-dogg. Things between us are wierd. He's constantly abusing the people around him. I'm just one of those people who won't stand for abuse. of any kind. Why must we hate each other I ask. Compitition is too much, just let it go. I say. A few years back we started this band, then we hated each other and i fell out. I came back to being friends with his friends. and now theres this wierd band thing. more on this later perhaps.

ah.... what did i say i promised to type aboot? i dont know what to type aboot. everyone seems like they are hiding hidden animosities towards me, and I don't know why. I wish I had some answers. I'm confused on every level of my existence.

About this job, there's some things I have to tell you guys. Daniel Le got me this job. He's a cool guy, but kind of abstract, and kind of absurd, haha. strange. Daniel is Lumpee's brother, coincidently he's in the band too. What band you ask? Where have you been! You call yourself my friend?!?! Just kidding, its relatively new to me. We have a few songs. I wrote one, working on a couple more. Apparently they played at the cobalt without me, fuckers! Anyway, I have big plans for the band. BIG. We should play at the whiskey in hollywood. I have a music video in the works in my head. I want us to get signed by nitro records, yes the same label as AFI, started by dexter holland from the offspring.
Anyway, if my band does not work out, my individual music career will. I'm working on my remixes and DJing, I can be an independant artist.
OK thats about all for today I think. I still have pictures to post and music and things to say about everybody I know, stay tuned!

LIFE IS GREAT!

i move out tommorrow, to be with my own kind! all parties all the time!

ah poo, i probably should study too.

ok.....thats strange....those lines were not meant to rhyme.....

by the way the party of the century shall take place the 21st! If you aint there you're L7

ok....that wasn't really a square... but it's suppossed to be!

Ah. thoughts thoughts, the musical fruit, the more you think the more you....aw fark i cant think of a good rhyme

anyway how about this for a short poem:

here i sit,
all broken hearted
came to shit,
but only farted.

anyway, mike said he liked this chickita
http://www.match.com/qsearch/showprofile.asp?SID=18859E0C-04C1-4EED-8572-DAC464687E66&TrackingID=509077&Theme=8&UserID=42424A4B4E4D4951&RN=28319&POS=6&Handle=kiyomi668

damn, if only i had a motorcycle, anyway, what do you guys think?

email me at lg39114@csun.edu

this was very helpful in getting me up in high spirits again, thanks Kris! BTW MOST OF RADIOHEAD SUCKS! jk :)

KingCrimzzon: man, u got some guts writing that stuff
KingCrimzzon: for the whole world to see
wheresmyricebowl: wha
wheresmyricebowl: like what
KingCrimzzon: its quite an example of power
wheresmyricebowl: i think its great
wheresmyricebowl: i always wanted a diary
wheresmyricebowl: and people would read it anyway so....
KingCrimzzon: ya but
KingCrimzzon: what i mean is
KingCrimzzon: to be open enough to share your inner thoughts, where they can possibly be scrutinized by another person, is an example of power]
wheresmyricebowl: bah
KingCrimzzon: yup
wheresmyricebowl: i dont care what others think
KingCrimzzon: but for what its worth, u dont care what others think, thats the power i am referring to
wheresmyricebowl: k
KingCrimzzon: solid stuff man
wheresmyricebowl: oh
wheresmyricebowl: thanks :-)
wheresmyricebowl: best compliment i've had all my life really

Cubicles are cool..... so is strongbad's email! www.homestarrunner.com
go to email!

OK! I figured out I can use this site and post at work, so I'm using blogger again. Those were my yesterday's posts that got stuck in the system. Here's what happened today.... or, what's happened so far....

Today, woke up late again as usual, missed bio class, but had an awesome Aikido session. There's a girl there that makes me very nervous, but not like like her nervous, just maybe awkward is the word, maybe my senses are not correct yet..... maybe she likes me. Talked to Matt about things, turns out he's a chem major, and he's been on a date with the "G" word. What a coinkidink, maybe I should make friends. Theres two aquintances in that class that the only connection with me to them is the "G" word. Gosh, maybe I should sign up for kendo again.....its only 25 dollars a month Sensei said..... but then, theres the 1800 dollars i have to pay for the armor......bummer. I'll never be a true samurai again... :(

Speaking of "G" word, she said maybe she'd call and resolve things. I have a feeling I'm not going to like what she has to say: i.e. - we shouldn't talk ever, forget the agreement, i'm not coming to your lame party, blah blah, and so on and so on. I am doing much better without her, my motivation is back. But still, somethings missing. And theres that tinge of jealously i still have to squash. Maybe findapix will help, I doubt it, the girls on there are so shallow and dense..... haha, oxymoron. kinda. nm. anyway.

ah well, at least work is very cool, and the anticipation of having a new place, my own place, to live is exciting as well

back to work like the slave I am. I think i'm in danger of getting a papercut, seriously i've never seen so much paper in my life.

Ok, as you all know, the breakup with my girlfriend has left me a bit...... different. Don't mean to scare ya'll, about the insomnia and the pills and the almost dying, but I am ok now. Wait! Before you think I'm crazy and leave my website, hear me out! It helps talking about it, even though nobody will talk about it with me, because none of you knew her as I did, I understand that now. When you have nobody who you can talk to about it puts all the burden on you, and I've been dealing with burdens all my life, so this magnified my heavy load. Thank you David, thank you Jabbar, and thanks Jeff for the help, I might be needing your help in the future, I only hope I can repay the favor. We'll get back to this. For now, I understand that it is only I who can bring myself out of this stupor that was unveiled in the last past weeks. I see a pattern in the whole thing. The person who I spent almost the last 2 years of my life with, who I cared for more than any other, was who I was losing touch with. It's bitter, it's sad, its my life, you're welcome to a slice. The pattern starting from the moment I left her at her door was such: sadness-hope-sadness-hope-shock-comedy?-disbelief-denial-anger-longing-sadness-hope- and now we come to the current state: sadness-hope, just kidding! Indifference, I look at her now differently, that is for sure, but I don't hate her just because she found someone else. I mean, we DID break up, and, it WAS going to happen eventually. Its just the time and manner in which the events transpired. I write this as a facet to get rid of the anger, the hope, the denial, the longing, and even the sadness goes too. The time and manner was something like, I called her on the phone, to discuss happier events going on and maybe patch up our friendship, but as soon as we began to talk about what she did last weekend, to pass the conversation along, of course, well no sooner had we done that, had she come out with this announcing of another guy. She says nothing happened and such, but I guess thats not what really concerned me. Its the fact she tossed me out like old garbage, without a care. Like two years meant nothing. Maybe I took offence too quickly. Anyway, Now theres a new bag in town. I will call him other dude. I know nothing of other dude, but I don't want to, I don't like competing with a shadow, and I don't want to lurk in the shadows like one of those rascally confounded ninjas that stab you in the back. I don't want to call her even as a friend, wouldn't it ruin things for other dude? I'm a samurai, I will take my loss with honor and move on, pride hurt and all. Other dude, I say this to you, watch this woman, she's crafty. haha. As you can see I'm not bitter or mad or anything anymore, I forgave her, and it surely wasn't the other dude's fault, so we can chalk this one up to something else. From what I gather I was missing key elements of my persona, I don't know, affected by her caring heart, I became tame and mellow. Thus, she probably got bored, figured I wasn't going anywhere, and moved on. Fawk! My bad, now its time for a change, I don't want it to happen again. So, next girl, I'm bettering myself for you. Other dude and next girl, hey why can't they just get together and let me try and work things out with "her", hate to lose the 1year 8 months, hate to lose the mutual friend understanding we had. I have really picked myself up, I don't think I ever would have done this, something I need to do badly, without the break-up. Sad it took that, but they say whatever doesn't kill you blah blah blah stronger. Indeed I was almost killed. So imagine the strength I must have now. I needed an outlet, I wish I knew a fancy french word to call an outlet. My skills have deteriorated and changed. However, new skills have been obtained. For instance, I'm starting my own music CD, trying to get our band signed, maybe get back into DJing, breakdancing. Writing, ah what a thing. I was told I was good at it, by someone who doesn't say much at all, so I shall take it and use it. My hidden unwanted talent. I shall turn it into gold. Spin straw into gold. Like rumple foreskin, i mean, rumple stilskein. Sounds jewish. Ah but I ramble!
Ok now back to the pills. I had trouble sleeping, for various reasons, before the break-up, and the break-up didn't help after, so I found myself finding some dramamine in the local save-on and took it..... unfortunately with increased dosages. About a week later I had taken half the bottle and nearly half a bottle of tylenol PM. Still was up, because add in the fact the stress of a new apartment and a new job. One night, I took too much. I woke up twitching and convulsing. I thought I was going to die. No more dramamine for me, needless to say, and my friends helped pull me back together. I ended up condensing my life into 4 pages into my school 5 subject notebook because I thought I should make peace with God before I die. My ex never believed in God. I shall refer to my ex as my ex, forever more, I dare not say her name, for she is no longer that person. I shall change my name to Lucas and write blogs forevermore. Ah bullshit. Issues with my ex still unresolved, maybe they should stay that way, bottom line. I shall talk of her again in some reminicing blog i suppose. So this thing, this 4 pages of me making peace with the world, how a man acts when he thinks he knows he's gonna die, I thought, wow, it would make a great play.....


As long as I've being doing things unlike me, there should be a "things like me" blog later too.
Ah, one less monkey off my back. Now I have to worry about my bio homework and shiznit, thanks for reading, come back again for more mayhaps and misadventures!

Its been too long, way too long, since I've decided to do this, originally, I wanted to write in a dirty small little notebook so that it would look cool when I die famous. But eh, I figure I'll probably die before I become famous, so, what the hay.

Ah an online diary that everyone can read! How stupid of me! Ah well, this is for the people who don't really know me, and want to know, or the people who used to know me, and want to catch up, or the people who know me, but want to know more, or the people who think they know me, but really don't, or....just you curious cats.