All is bust. 3 girls came over the other day, and I was by myself with them, and I did absolutely nothing. I drove with them back to UCLA, and I did nothing. I drove back home with one, alone, and still, I did nothing. I feel like I have cheated myself. Or is it just that now is not a good time? I am still recovering, all in all, I guess. It will be good once I am back to normal. My funny outgoing self. One good thing did come out of that whole time. Someone told me I was growing up. Or maybe I am doomed to be quiet and thoughtful and nice, the kind of guy that never gets noticed, the kind of guy who never gets the girls, always sits in the back, shy. Horrible. At least I finally got a straight answer from someone. I guess this is growing up.

Someone once told me I had an immature sense of humor. I say all humor to some extent is immature. I mean, you're always making fun of something when you're trying to be funny, and isn't that immature?

Never mind justification. I justicate too much. Takes too much time. Just the facts now. Just the facts.

Here's something on a higher note that really cheered me up.
?sMoOn: lol
?sMoOn: i like ur blog
?sMoOn: it's entertaining and amusing
?sMoOn: the way u write, that is

I have an interesting story about that person too.
Inglewood japanese girl. Very, very, sweet girl. Best colored hair. Awesome personality. But, a few years younger than me. I tried for it. Saw her 3 times. Met her family, actually, her friends. I think I reminded her too much of her Dad, who played guitar. She never had a boyfriend, and I was denied. We floated away as she went to college. I randomly IM her after a year, as is my custom. I heard she got a boyfriend after all. I think she's not happy. She could do better.
Ah but theres so much to write, I couldn't do her justice by devoting a paragraph.

And what do I do?? I surf and play guitar for a "band". Yes thats very popular around here. All the chicks dig that. ummmm, no. They are all hip-hop and R&B. God, whenever I meet someone i am attracted to, they are attracted to songs with no lyrics. I can't stand that shit.
There must be something wrong with me, because of course something can't be wrong with the worl...

Ok...... MY GRANDPARENTS CALLED!!!
I DIDNT KNOW I HAD GRANDPARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE COMING DOWN TO SEE ME!!!!!
I HAVE FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM OVERJOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mom must have sent them to check up on me.... how sweet.
now i have to find them a good motel and take them to disneyland. lol. next weekend will be a blast, spending it with relatives I never felt I knew.

Yes, the bitterness with the family. He'res where that stems from.
My mother was the black sheep.
That makes me even blacker.
So black I disappear at night. And even in the day for that matter. They never have taken notice I was there. A card for christmas, and easter. That was about it. Until now. I wonder. It really must be a time for genuine change. If they can change, maybe there is hope for this world.

Ah.......*tear.

I am loved.