i survived the worst hangover ever.

what i learned:

NEVER DRINK ANYTHING THAT IS NEON!

oh god, my roomate is playing this cheesy ass soft boys 2 men type music, i can understand, in the right situation, but ok, now this has to go off, right now.............(POW, BAM!!!) ok a head had to be chopped and its off now, its off

alright but thats not what i came online to blog about.

I am 20 fucking 2 and just now i feel like i'm getting started in life. You know what, i can give a damn about what all my exes are up to cuz you know, i can't don't give a damn. I have to learn how to move on with life. I get stronger every time, and even though my heart breaks to ever talk to them again, I know i'm doing better, and I know they don't deserve me.

Now that i've got a haircut and a new job, I'm a new man.

Went to wallmart today, a poor mans Sears i guess, so is target? Ah i am so confused when it comes to being a consumer. I just buy whatever.
bought these work uniforms, now I look like a friggin male nurse with spikey hair. i laugh at myself.
i was sitting in the massage chair today at work for like a half an hour and thought, oh shit! i'm getting paid for this, loQ.
Randomness - target somehow got the rights to sell one of my favorite brands - mossimo, this saddens me. Well, the stuff is cheaper now, so I guess that makes me happy.

So i am sitting here fixing this laptop that I was given to fix. Easy enough, diagnosed it, its just gonna be time consuming to do it.
i think its better to feel used than useless.

So I can dance, am musical, smart, entertaining, funny, and have a new haircut. Why haven't i found a girl yet? lol... maybe i need a different haircut. lol.......
I am going to stop looking. Maybe I'll randomly bump into someone and knock all their books out of their hands and have to pick them up and then look up and she'll be the girl of my dreams, thats how I always wanted it, isn't it?

Time is something that people can not afford to give me but I can afford to give others. Does anyone agree with me that a minute of time someone gives you is invaluable, priceless. Truly the girl who spends time with me with be far more appealing than the girl who does everything for me. Talking on the phone does not count. Talking online does not count.

I express myself best in writing.
Maybe I should give up talking to girls in person totally.
Just write cards and notes and letters, lol, thats all she needs.
More romantic anyway.
LoL, then I guess I need a girl who can understand me just by being with me. No words need to be said. No conversation needed.
I now officially hate the "we don't have conversations" thing.
Enjoy the Silence pops in my head. A song about drugs, heroin, in fact. Heroin is a middle class drug they say. it goes pot, heroin, crack.
you gotta be rich to be on crack.
yeah i don't know how i know this, lets just say someone i talk to is intelligent after all.
there is intelligent life out there.

random memory:
spirited away
how this relates to today:
recommending it to a friend and date, looking online, saw it got all A's from every single review in the country, oh, 1 A minus
looking on ebay, i find it sells imported on DVD for 60 dollars

a great movie, a great time, the greatest time wasted in my life

the guys are gonna take me out drinking today, their treat. i would have enjoyed their treat more if it was actually a week ago, when my actual birthday was. but eh, the world doesn't run on my time, it runs on its.
at least they are there for the most part.
beer has a lot of calories. time to run more.
my current exercise regimen is 20 pushups and 120 situps, a 2-5 mile run, and non fatty foods.
seems to be working

an ex said i got really big, and motioned her arms as to indicate growth of biceps
she's such a cutie, haven't heard word from her from t-land yet.
my tongue is hanging out, sorry.

which reminds me i'm put in a wierd situation with this girl from irvine.

MTV tells me that its spring break already
whoop dee do. . . thats me making an attempt at being sarcastic

at least i can go surfing now

complying with saying less, uh yeah.......... TRYING to anyway. i think i'll stop here.

where does the time go?

i didn't blog yesterday at all, wtf happened you say?

school work and more work
i have a total of 3 hours of free time now between the 3
something with the number three i guess

somehow i found time to practice with the band for an hour today.
it was awesome. i wish i could have stayed longer.
we practice again in 3 weeks. well its a start, but i still wonder if anything will be done.

other than that my 2 jobs are pretty mundane.
at the first one today i designed a flyer. and at the second one i filed paperwork all night.
3 hours each job.

i talked to audrey on the phone a while ago. it was strange to hear her voice. the very first person i've ever been with, in that way. she still sounds like a little kid on the phone. we talked for what seemed to be forever, then i had to go. i was dumbfounded for the most part, we havent talked in 5 years.
it was for this girl i sacrificed my best friend at the time, Don. I didn't know, I just didn't know.
To this day he still hasn't forgiven me. And to this day i'm just a page in her book..

first day of new job was yesterday. came home dead tired, but with satisfaction i haven't felt in a while. listening to depeche mode and green day in the car to and from work, its a good summary of my two sidedness, those two bands.

theres so much drama in this world around me, i don't know if i want to just watch or take part.

"gonna take my time, i have all the time in the world"
-dmode

gosh, i think my blog is actually starting to become boring talking about my life.......

here are two links that are as saddening as this blog, ok, maybe not THAT saddening
www.ramen.com
www.instantcurry.com

the sad thing is that 2 of my favoritist foods have the crappy websites :((((((((((((((

some random memories that come floating in my head
a lettermans jacket
a piggyback ride in the (rain)
a christmas and a present
a horrible job
a cool job
a door closing in the dark with two bodies on the other side
a harsh word
a mispoken word
a bunch of harsh words
a mesh of birthdays and birthday parties

birthday parties.............thats where i stop for today.

A bug hits my cheek
ruining my morning walk
I sneer, then I laugh.

-----------------------
ah i like that one (ahem, haiku!) {gazundhiet}, symbolization of a fight you might get into with another person, or a problem in life in general
-----------------------
it seems like my life will get a jolt tommorrow, a second job, filing and data entry, ho hum, but a LOT better money than what i get now

i estimate i'll make 1300 a month now combining the income from both.

yay i can buy that DJ set
yay i can buy that camaro or corvette or nova

and my hormones rage on...

EDIT - I WAS NAKED ON THIS DAY 22 YEARS AGO!

A blast from my past.
On a random whim, I send a message to an old friend.
Today I find myself helping her move, on my birthday.
I hope she can see the signals...
Or, I'd be glad to spell it out for her....
after she comes back from thailand in 3 weeks
the day was well spent, the last day before she leaves, the day of my birth
I couldn't stop myself from holding on when she hugged me.
She leaves tommorrow.
I must be going emotionally. Must keep it together now.
I see bits and pieces of the old Luke resurfacing. Its only a matter of time till he's back in full effect.

I started this homestarrunner shit, and this the m*funking thanks I get?
Haha, its a cool shirt. Must thank the guys.
And Jack gave me the Juliana theory CD. bliss.
scored a juliana theory shirt. thanks dave.
and many money and gift card spending sprees
thanks to all who came out for the party.
thanks gretchen, jabbar, laura, david, jeff, mike, and everyone else.

Thanks to all those who wished me a Happy Birthday.
True friends can be sorted out. New friends
People are so thoughtful. I thank Ye all.
I can turn 22 in peace.
Is it all downhill from here?
We shall see. We shall see.

-GETTING MYSELF BACK

random things to remember:
marker-board antics
steak and potato and "string pea" talks
a trip to hollywood and to anahiem
freeway trouble
the haircut
bruce lee movies

the look on an old friend's face who you haven't seen in 5 years, and you remember how much you liked them, but can't remember why you broke off
and they have to leave the next day.

3 weeks, 3 long weeks

I'm a sucker for love
-Tupac

as the smoke clears.....
the dust settles.....
the storm subsides.....
the world still spins...

many things have transpired these past few days, and i'm left in awe here to sort them out and put them in the file cabinets and folder organizers of my head.

First of all, today is my offical birthday, awoken to a soft voice on the phone, a girl who wasn't my mother. It asked me what the hell was I doing up. I would say that I was talking to the person who woke me the fuck up! Alas, tact requires me to be nice :D. I wouldn't want to have slept half the day away anyway.

Now, going back to friday. An adventure in itself. Met the girl who made me drive 50 miles to see her. The excuse was in the concert. Met the girl's friends. Theres so much to say there, I don't know where to start. This one I might have to chalk up to memory. A few things are good to note then:
I'm a terrible flirt.
You can get away with pretty much anything at a punk concert.
The girl: mental connection, physical confusion.

Birthday:
Disappointing but homely.
But it ain't over yet, and I intend to make the best of it with whats left over....
Lets Go!

fuck this war and the warmongering idiot who we call president

instead of the government buying labs and researching alternative fuel sources. they buy bombs and guns and research alternative ways to kill people.

for what? a madman's quest for black gold? an overgrown child trying to finish his daddy's war?

as gas prices go up i have nothing but contempt.
i walk to school and pretty much everywhere i can.
and instead of urging the public to support commuting and get on the bus
Bush urges the public to support him and get on the huey

i usually don't meddle in politics but this has me really pissed off
i'll finish this later

but i have to laugh at this:
In Iraq, the government-run news agency said Saddam had decreed that any Iraqi who kills an enemy soldier would get a reward equivalent to $14,000. The reward for capturing an enemy solider was put at $28,000.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20030321/ap_on_re_mi_ea/war_rdp&cid=540&ncid=1480

today the first US 2 soldiers died. for a chimp, or a chump, whichever you perfer.
2 soldiers too many.

Saddam actually thinks he can win. If he's even still alive.
stupid stupid stupid.

tommorrow more die.
Pentagon officials have long planned for an attack they called "shock and awe."

thats all for today, i need to go out and have fun and get my mind of this

Truly the simple things in life are grand:
waking up early you have time to think of haikus like this:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Walking home today
I stepped on many daisies
hearing my music
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun shines through trees
robin lands on a palm branch
today shines also

OH GOD!
I got up this mornin at 5:40!

no hangover, gone. wierd
and there was cool girl again, talks to me at 6 in the morn, its so awesome i got to talk to her again.
there is a concert tonight. dare i go?

my joint birthday party saturday at 8 pm

ok ok, i'll be random
here's a guy with some more problems than i do

so.............drunk...........

I'm falling?

When I meet a special girl,
She always lives somewhere else in the world.
Don't want to call her on the phone,
I want to talk to her when I'm at home.
-mxpx

I'm jealous of those who fall in love so fast.
Yet -- I also pity them.
It must take something to take the time to turn a blind eye to the world in order to see the one you love.
Love is a facade to me now. Much like many people are to me

I ,as myself, am fake to myself, and a mission to find myself ends up as an invasion of the heart.

This girl i talk to now. We seem to have everything in common, and i can't help but be pretentious.

What would i get myself into falling for a girl so far away?
Is it still too soon? Obviously I am still bitter about the past. I've tried other things to forget. Maybe this is the only other path left to journey.

But ah, time and love go hand in hand, and when time flows like a river, the heart don't give a dam(n).

Mere coincidences lead me to raise an eyebrow at fate, and destiny, the biggest 7 letter word I now know.

We were at the same concert, weezer, jimmy eat world, at opposite sides of the arena.
We have the same contact lens perscription.

Seeing clearly, despite this hair in my eyes.

tis better to have loved and lost?--

http://www.poetry.com/

you can search by my name

Your poem is currently being considered for inclusion in our hardbound anthology series and is therefore unavailable for editing at this time. This process takes about one week. Our review of your poem at this time is for poetic quality and to determine if it will add to the value of the publication. You will have ample opportunity to make online corrections, additions, deletions, etc., prior to actual publication.

My sincerest apologies if this offends her.

When you tried to build me up with the wrong words
All it did was kill me
And when you said trust in all that I feel
I never quite believed you

And when you tried to help me out by telling me that we should be at disagree

So hold me up
And you should see
You're not supposed to be my enemy

I know your side
I understand
But you can let me feel it safe in my hands

Your every word is full of doubt
I never ever had to wait till now to let it out
If this is how it's got to be
It will never be easy

You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

So let me breathe
Just let me be
I'd show you more than
you could ever hope to see

Intentions are the same I find
But even if they are, still need room to shine
So give it time, and give it space
This isn't just a slap across your face

If this is how, it's got to be
I will never speak freely

You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

Do you believe in me? [x2]
Believe in me now
Do you believe me?
You gotta believe, gotta believe me
Do you believe me?

You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

You can make this very easy
If you can show me that you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

I started one of those annoying chain IMs today: if you got it, it was

Happy War Day! Thanks to our Wonderful Government run by monkeys! Pass it on!www.bushorchimp.com

right afterward, some people told me they had to go study for finals
funny.

we could all die at any moment, and I should be running in the street naked or having wild orgies.
and i still blog.
pitiful. and funny.

YES!!!!

I FINALLY SET UP MY VOICE MAIL!!!!

after years of toil and utter frustration, it FINALLY OWRKS!!!!!
i choose to leave the spelling on that, cuz its kinda funny how i type weird when i get agitated or excited.

the problem was i didnt know that the universal password nokia changed to 1111, from 1234.
i went on the website on a whim, and bam, i found out.
now i have the power of voicemail. all must bow before the mail that is voice!
hahahahahahaha
YES noW I CAN SIFT THouGH 2 YEARS OF VOICE MAIL I NEVER GOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on a side note, i missed my midterm
yay.

god dammit
its st pats day and i forgot to wear green

that means that at least 5 morons have to pinch me

which brings to mind the 80's diet pepsi slogan:
"Uh Huh"

also, for my fill of randomness for today:
i must tell you 60,000 Americans are hurt by their toilets each year.
how sad.

february stars by the foo fighters
take a picture by filter

do we live our lives through songs
or do songs help us live our lives?

i can date things and remember things by connecting a song to it.
i'm sure i'm not the only one who can do it, but it sure is neat.

people don't know i'm a momma's boy
i'm really kind and sensitive and i get almost everything from her
except taste in music
she likes all this wierd crap like celtic music and boccelli
i think she used to be a hippie
i likes my rock musack

i treat women most the time like i would treat my mom, with kindness and respect
i have nothing but love for her
its funny cuz i hated her growing up
she was both a mother and a father to me at one point, when dad was gone

i remember one day i called my dad for christmas, i thought he was coming to see me, and he didn't
i broke my heart, and i cried, i was about 9 years old
i started to hate him at that point.

the hate continues to this day
no child support, my mom stuggled daily to make ends meet
i never realized it until i grew up as an adult.

so i had a conversation with this wonderful girl online
and she asked me about my half brothers
i said i wouldn't waste the saliva to spit on their graves

my family in general disappoints me
and thats sad

thats why i have to take refuge in friends

i'm a little long winded, i know
and other times i can be a clam

people who dont say goodbye annoy me
and when i'm REAL pissed thats what i do, leave without saying goodbye
otherwise i will always take the time to say something.

i wrote something on someones journal that they didn't appreciate, i guess
i was angry that they bought 2 ecko shirts, and i alerted them to the fact that they were made in sweatshops, apparently fashion means more to some people than say, a little kid's life as a slave
sorry if i offended

i thought life slows down as you get older
my mp3 player is re-found and its full of jimmy eat world
the batteries run out so fast, and i just listen to the songs over and over and over

see ya

haha yesterday's post about my grandparents got erased, so be it.......


today:
watching the sunset by yourself you truly feel alone in the world.

a review of our beloved get up kids.

my dream is to one day get signed by vagrant records or nitro records and then get picked up by a big shot like
columbia.

I am a walking contradiction.

Things I am currently addicted to:

Terriyaki bowls from Kiku
Popcorn chicken from the pub
Peanut butter and chocolate chip ice cream (homemade)
ALFREDO!
CHICKEN RAMEN!!

I live a slow paced life. However, I like it.

I like to bask in every moment.
Savor the moment, and the memory will last.

I am sending a poem into a contest to try and win 1000 bucks.
There is also a photograph contest, I might enter that too.

Somebody called me "Mr. Triple Major", that kinda made me feel good, hahaha.
It will take me some odd years to do what I really want to do, but in the end I WILL be doing it, and that is all that matters.

maybe I should get another job, the funds just aren't adding up.
but another job means less school, which means more time in school.....
ah, what a life.

This has to be the MOST RANDOMEST coolest adventure thingie thing that doesn't make sense thing i have ever seen........thing.

Bomb threat at work today. Sirens and cops and everything.
Was cool.

Now back to buisness as usual.

Aikido is still cool.
Maybe the more martial arts I learn, the more unstoppable I will be, muhuhahaha.

Girls everywhere.
Coming to my house.
Eating on my table.
Sleeping on my couch.
Using my pillows.
Calling me for miniature golf next saturday.
Using up their 3 strikes.

Coffee works on me all day. Can't sleep, clowns'll eat me.
Want the new zelda, want the new Tenchu. Can't. Given up games for lent, and for life.

And what else? Hopefully can convince a drummer to join the dark side with me and start some side projects.
Flyers going out today. Kind of illegal to put them around campus without the proper signatuers, but hey, its kind of illegal to do anything.

MOST HORRIBLE JOKE OF THE YEAR:
Welcome to the church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.

Write a book they say, see the world they say.
Actions speak louder than words.
However I don't speak that loud.
Speak loud in order to be heard.
Therefore I must train my voice.

KIKU TERRIYAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rocks the G-SPOT!

ah so much random shit to say. so little time.
ah but things are so much easier when they are put into lists.
simple. quick.

1. according to love hina -
a. what kind of fruit did your first kiss taste like? Mango.
b. I am a "Type C" lover
2. called a girl for coffee or a movie - how can parents be that restrictive?
3. dishwashing conversation with Jabbar. he thinks he knows, but has no idea.
4. high point of week was meeting tiffany, low point was calling her, dammit why cant i talk on the phone!?
5. wierd roundabout ways of friends, contacting them, and what is considered a friend
6. i hate doing dishes more than anything else in the world, ok, almost anything
7. job better now, doing more worthwhile nonsense
8. band delays
9. conversation with co-worker about sunshine and trying
10. watching an old video of an old party i wasnt at
11. straightening up the pad
12.forgetting what i was going to blog about

................
.......................................................
13.i used to hate dot-dot-dots
14.and i hate when people just type this to me online - "?"
15. conversation with pessimists, a hopeless romantic, a poseur, and a poet

16. this one is important - i found another key to who i am, by descriptions of others
a. a quiet jester
b. a deep thinker

17. Random things in general about girls I've picked up.....
girls like the confident, sweet guys, don't like it in the ass, and like the giving and recieving of third base.
they also like to make fun of porn, burp, and lick my neck
a. old and new news, revisited, in general

am i more confident or sweet?

18. missed class today, for the first time in a while, they say i look pale when i get too much sleep. 12 hours to be exact.

I feel i've earned my right to sleep. from years of not sleeping. it feels good, and natural.

I felt at a loss talking to this one girl ,i'm slowly getting myself back
yes i still have no game. i don't believe in game
I'VE GIVEN UP GAMES

This sums up my how I am doing with my love life as of now:

"Well......I have a nice collarbone?".
"Uhhhhh.....right........".

for all your stick fighting needs

more Luke adventures

I'll tell you guys what I told Tomas:
What you would do if you really like a girl.

Say you gotta spit, or if you aren't the spitting type, you've got a flu and a big ol flemball gets lodged in your throat.
Now you've been working on this thing or hours, coughing it up.
And then your girl walks by......
What do you do? You hold that fucker in your mouth, as disgusting as it is, because you don't want her to see you spit.
You nod, and smile the best you can, and hope she walks away, if she doesnt you quietly excuse yourself to the bathroom.
That, my friends, is when you know like a girl.

Speaking of which, there is now Tiffany. I'm SO sprung.

2 AM, its been awhile since i have been up this late, andI don't really know why.
I guess I'm getting happier, and finding my true self.
I guess..... :D (mandatory smiley)

ChaX3SMC: what do you do?
wheresmyricebowl: just mess around on the computer
ChaX3SMC: lol seriously?
ChaX3SMC: you get paid for that?
wheresmyricebowl: pretty much
ChaX3SMC: nice deal
wheresmyricebowl: woop woop

What a follow up saturday!

Two consecutive parties in two days, I'm so popular. (sarcastic)

I must say, my trip to the science center was way better than my trip to laura's boyfriend's house.
I saw chickens hatch, messed with stuff, and scared little children as well as adults. (mischevious)

I wouldn't call it much of a party, truth or dare and chips constitutes a get together.
The girls were cool, but wallflowers do so annoy me. (sincere)

I need a girl to jump start my rock and roll heart. (longing)

Its funny, because I can remember so much. I was talking to this girl I used to like online and I could remember details such as the plants she had in her front yard and what kind of car her friend drove us around in, but, I can't remember why I stopped seeing her. (thoughtful)

I bought glow in the dark stars and a slinky and a surf watch at the science center. Damn, I got gypped, and I can't take the stuff back neither. I am such a sucker when it comes to impulse buying.
They had a pacific exhibit - "Preview", which means there was nothing there. (damn it)
I thought it was funny when I read the back of one of the toys:
"Warning: Made in Taiwan"
thats all it said. (dry humor)

I guess I should write my paper and study for exam tommorrow.
I guess....(see ya)

Dude, what a friday!

I do so enjoy the single life sometimes.

Going to the mall by myself was an experience in itself too. It kinda made me feel good and it kinda made me feel bad. Good to know that there are actually beautiful women everywhere, bad to feel I can't do anything about it yet.

Alright, let me explain this in terms you might understand.

You know that part in "Gladiator" where he finds his family dead, and he is so sad, he just gives up on life? I'm talking not about that part, but the part afterward where he's like floating inches above the ground, almost dead. Then someone heals his wound in a very rudimentary way (chewed up maggots). He lives, and thrives, and succeeds, but anger and hate and revenge are his only motives left. That one woman likes him, but he hardly cares. Lol, all of those things don't relate to me but, that was a good movie.
I just think I'm floating inches above ground right now, barely knowing what is going on. That's the part I familiarize with.

I watched Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, and was also impressed, I watched the movie long ago, and did not remember how complex it truly was. Keeping the movie going full strength after a climax so early was pure talent........

*moment of silence for Gomer Pile.

Movies movies movies. All my dates mostly revolve around movies.
Jabbar's dates seem to revolve around dinner.

I guess everyone has their own thing.

Ok Ok. more about Friday. Taco Bell. PARTY. well..... WEINER PARTY!
I expected to see a whole lot of girls because it was actually 2 girls birthdays. Then I was eluded to the fact that girls usually have more guy friends than girls. That I did not know. I left at 12, hahaha.

I still act wierd around girls I like. Ever since I was a kid, same thing.
I couldn't decide what to do. So at the end I just asked for, and kinda slippery at that, the cutest girl's number.
And got it. My game is off, I know. The conversation went something like "I hope you're not too drunk but, You're cute"
"Let me see, you're cute too"
"Can I get your number, you know, in case I get lost on the way home?"
"Sure"

I didn't have 1 drink at the party, responsible Luke had to drive home, but I think she had more than a few.
I'd call her, if she'd remember who I was.

I met with Callele, whom I called my alter ego. He seemed puzzled about it, then he understood. We see each other randomly, at the most random places in the world, but we never really knew who each other were. We are both halfers. We were both wearing hats. I own the same hat he does. The same plain white shirt. More to comment on, but forgettting at the moment. I think we have the same car. Maybe I notice too much, and make mountains out of mole hills, but this guy is like my shadow, and I, his. Two different lives, that are very similar, I just find it interesting, cause nobody has ever even come close to the kind of life I've lived.

I leave you with this last message:
There are two types of Lukes in this world.
Figure out which two.
Then realize I can only be one at a time.

work sucked today.
my boss. another woman who doesn't believe in me.
i can't wait till i make more money than her.
which reminds me, they should make hallmark cards that say:
"Thanks for shit"

i'm starting to make flyers "Guitarist Available" and put them around campus
If my current band is going to be a bunch of deadbeats, i can do without.
if they were serious they would find a way to make time, i'll have a bunch of side jobs, and perhaps one of them will take off
Juliana Theory started as a side job.
i wonder if emo will ever become more than an unknown trend, and can they help make it popular?
hmmmmm, i respect that they won't change who they are in order to go mainstream
the term non-sellouts comes to mind

and I'm here, still waiting.

Do your feet hurt? Did you fall from heaven?
Because you've been running through my mind all day, my mind all day.
-mxpx

ahhhhhh
nuttin like a hard day at the library

actually studying.
this is some hard shit.
now I know why doctors get paid so much
the answer to question 14 was: (and I am not bullshitting you)
Decreased protein concentration reduces capillary uptake of fluid from interstitial fluid by reducing the osmotic gradient across the capillary wall.

god damn....

Maybe i should have chosen an easier major.... like physics

randomness ensues:
Did you know that pumpkin pie is among the ten most sexually arrousing smells?
Where the fuck is that pumpkin pie when I'm trying to get a woman in the mood eh?

There are currently more than 80 orders on a final model of flying car that can take off straight up, fly to an altitude of 2000 feet, and get 15 miles to the gallon? Toyota and bmw are among the prospects of bringing it into mainstream use, all the bugs are said to have been worked out and the current model is totally finished.

In accordance with me saying less:

whatever.

I do have 3 things to say about today though
1. Jack was more than a big let down, and wasn't a friend.
2. I sacrificed a lot so I could be there for a friend.
3. I was not insulted by the play, which was entertaining. However I was insulted in poem form, by someone who could have been a friend.

There, not one sentence more, not one less.

Random Quotes heard around the dorm (apartment)

1. mmmmmmmmmm, Liquid Beer - (Jabbar while drunk)
2. Why? Did it have the face of Bin Laden or something? - (Me commenting on the pigeon that scared the shit out of Jabbar in Vons parking lot)
3. what? really? ok. (dave accepting an invitation from a girl)

Felt bad I didn't go to Grace's play today.

Well, I felt like she retracted her invitation for me to go, she called me and kept telling me, "you don't have to go if you don't want to, you don't have to go, it's alright if you don't go." and funny timing, then her phone died. she never called back.

So hell, I didn't go.

I wanted to show her I would support her efforts, I know she's worked hard and really likes whats she's doing, I was going to try to start to make up for things, and show her I would be a friend that was there, cause we all know how hard those are to find.

Hmmmm.....
I've made my mind. I am skipping my comp lab and barely going to get back in time to make it to the lecture. Because thats the kind of friend I am, or aspire to be, to everyone.
I hope she appreciates the visit.
Its not easy for me to go.
But if she was willing to invite in the first place, I am willing to accept.

thought this was pretty funny

Working is synonomous with blogging, for me.
I just can't stop talking to myself about random shit in my life.
Its time for some random thoughts:

Natalie Portman is hot! i didn't know she went to Harvard!!!

My webcam isn't working!!! why do I need a webcam you ask?
well, why the hell not? lol, I'm getting it warmed up so I can put it out in the living room, where the real fun happens.

I'm finding out SOOOO many other people have blogs!!!!!

Nicole is cool because she likes The Juliana Theory.

I will be in the money soon.

www.zenlemur.com for my secret of happiness.

You know what? I talk too much. Get myself into too much trouble. Give away too much of myself.
I'm addicted to blogging. Need to cut down.
I have a date this saturday with a girl from biology class, I don't know if you would call it a date. We are going to the Science Center by USC, to do extra credit, on the body organs, gosh, that sounds pretty provacative, now that I think of it....... She's always tired, I thought she was boring at first, but maybe thats why she's so down. Anyway, I've decided to give it another chance. The California Science Center, the perfect place for a first date(sarcastic). Anyway I am doomed unless I can find the funny and quirky me again.
Planning on asking her if she wants to study. Planning on asking her out for lunch.
Always with the planning.

People should learn to get more sleep, they could do a lot better with tommorrow.
I know I know, I always say live for today. Hippacritical must be my middle name.

I should learn to be still.
And let the chips fall where they may.

In other news. I am no longer an "animal style virgin". No no! Its not what you think.

You see, IN-N-Out has a secret menu, and I never ordered a burger animal style before. So today in honor of TJT I had my first.

Thus I am no longer an animal style virgin.

List of TJT memorabilia i snagged for free:
1. Hand-signed memo paged sigend by guitarist
2. Drumsticks signed by drummer
3. Picture with all guitarists and singers and autographs for each.
4. Poster
5 T shirt

what a haul.

Thats enough posting for a while.
TJT rocks. They said I rock, lol. You guys reading my blog rock.
I guess we all rock

Welcome to Luke's Blog, where the apologies never cease.

Disregard previous messege. It probably wasn't them after all.

For future reference, a compliment is not saying someone is still cute after they throw up.

I must apologize for saying "the typical Grace", waking up late and missing the concert. Its not typical at all. What is typical is that she works her tail off for her papers and such. I understand you work hard and that makes you sleep in late. My bad again. Much props to ya girl.

She seemed down, but, like always, instead of cheering her up I place my foot in my oral cavity again with the. Chronic foot in the mouth disease.
She explained the disses she had to me. They make sense now. I'm not bitter anyway.
Lets just move on.
I still don't know about tommorrow.

fuck. I just had to stop to take a breather after jogging up those stairs in UCLA, didn't I? I felt like an intruder. Not welcome there, so I left.

I had such a cool time at the concert when it ended at 1 PM, that I was jogging happily back to my car so that i DIDNT see anyone I knew, when I went up the steps of death. I was like fuck, I ran 8 miles already today, I'm bushed. Then I saw Them. Great, I thought, sarcastically. My ex and her new boyfriend, meeting me ahead of schedule. I didn't feel like a confrontation right then and there and who knows what they were thinking. I can think of a few.....stalker....psycho.......
its just my fucking luck.
I really don't think I should go see the play tommorrow, now.
I got a signature for Grace, to show that I mean buisness with the friend thing. But, forget it, if walking away is how i get treated now. It was mutually wierd I guess, I walked away also, but she walked away first. However, it was only after I saw their reactions of apathy, and probably hate. That I didn't need at all.

forget it, i should be free to go where i want
I'm disappointed Jack didn't join me, maybe I would have had some backup on the confrontation. Its ok, he had a paper to write.
and who cares. i did what i wanted to do. i saw the future Jimmy Eat World. I remember when Jimmy Eat world was supposedly the new Weezer, which was the new Nirvana... which was.... you get the idea.

Anyway i believe in these guys, and had a few interesting chats with them, not to mention signatures, I even randomly met nicole and she took pictures of me with them. One conversation particulary interesting was with the drummer, giving him the website to muffish. hahahah.

Just think, in a year or a few, it could be me up there on the concret slab at 11 in the morning making mic checks while an eager crowd gathers.

An uphill battle: Episode 1

or, see also.........The battle for the Six Pack

yes. I ran 8 miles today this morning. A personal first. Ran straight through 2 cities, northridge and granada. My personal trainer, Jabbar, or as he likes to be called, Mack, pushes me to no end. But I also push myself. Its great that I can keep up with a guy who has made running his whole life. With the aid of some cream of wheat, my new nutritional novelty, my body feels energized now. I am ready to concert it up at UCLA.

I can't believe I'm ditching work and class. Nobody I know would do this, I think. I feel original.
At least, for the moment. I don't do shit at work at the job anyway but do my blog and help ignorant people. This way I get everything I want done.

With the sound of the ocean......

I am gone.

I feel as though apologizing isn't enough.

I should say some nice things about Grace to even it up completely.

lets see, where should i start, and how not to offend her boyfriend.....

No one else has the combination of refinement, poise, and beauty, kinda like Audrey Hepburn.
No one else has that witty sarcastic sense of humor, kinda like Daria.
No one else can still pull off A's and B's without really trying, like Grace.

This has been a kind word, brought to you by Luke's Kind Word Enterprises. INC
enjoy.

I am hurt.
Grace, can we call it even?
Now I know how it feels to be hurt by the writings of someone else.
I apologize, in front of the whole world here, about what I've written in my blog, and what I've sent in emails.

I look back and I can only remember the hate poured in those last emails. Hate harbored from everything, and you became a big scapegoat. I wonder why you even deal with me now. I wonder how I deal with you. I wonder a lot of things. But we shouldn't overanalyze things. You do it, and then I do it, and we never get past "Hi" because of the analyzation on how that "Hi" was said.
Yeah so, sorry for the Hate Mails.
I am sorry.

I realize things now.
I can only imagine how I've hurt you, but, it is hard to realize someone elses pain when your own arm is cut off and bleeding. It was weak and childish of me to let it out the way I did. I should have dealt with it like the man I say I am.
God you make me sound like a womanizer, quoting how I said girls are weak. You didnt post the rest of that statement. Girls are weak, a WOMAN would have spoken up and said something. I was talking about how I thought it was immature how you did nothing as time passed by and I was left to wonder yet again.
I just want to get this out there that I am NOT my father.

And here I am defending myself against a months worth of posts against me. So be it.

I've cut you down, now I see you've cut me down as well. It actually feels good. Its good to finally hear something. You never really cut me down until just before we broke up. I needed that in order to move on, like I am now. Complacency and dependancy. We both were victims.

I'm a stalker psycho, as indicated in the song dedicated to me. Ouch. That hurts.
Your friends comment that I am a psycho. Ouch.

Your friends also commented that I was gay, and you went with them. Imagine how I felt.
Thats pretty low, stooping to that level, and if it wasn't so stupid and ridiculous I might be more offended, but I'll be the bigger than that and let it slide. What hurt the most is that you didn't even defend me, you wrote a 3 page letter saying how you were agreeing with them. Don't you guys have something better to talk about in UCLA than make gossip about people you don't know? Because they don't know me, hell, you spent 2 years with me, and I doubt what you know, if you came to that conclusion.

Forget calling you shallow. Thats my bad. That comes from the fact that.......nevermind, lets leave it at that....I am sorry, let it stop there.

I remember you apologized already, now its taken me this long to apologize in return, better late than never, I suppose.

Squish. Pop. Cicero.Uh-uh. Lipshitz. Can I even take a guess as to which one of those I am?
One word categorizations, pretty low, but again, it was probably deserved.

I see so many things reminding me of our relationship in little inside sidenotes in your blog I'd even have to say you aren't fully over it either. But cmon, taking the song I dedicated pho to you with? lol, jk, fair game i guess.

was the secret ninja a jab at me too?
one still wonders

c.d tguk, std
bad liar, head tilt.
BAH-sturd(lol, pretty creative, serious props for that one, it was insulting, but at the same time sweet)

recurring themes, life and history repeats itself

and I agree, I regret nothing
i regret nothing about what happened between us.

maybe i will find someone who's right for me
at least we saved the friendship, Grace
theres probably no better link to your high school past, not that you care about it, but I will always be here in case you you feel the need to reminisce, it would be tragic to forget everything.

also, like the tiger, i will be ready to pounce! whenever you need something pounced upon.
Because I am that kind of loyal-till-death friend.
Blind trust.

I summed up our relationship, or, or break-up rather, for the first time to someone else recently.....
"I dumped her because she didn't know who she was yet and didn't push me hard enough"
"She counter-dumped me because I had no goals yet and was too sensitive"

I would say also that you were too sad and I gave up trying to make you happy.

still things left unsaid, but there is still time to say it before nuclear fallout, i guess.

I am about to embark on a fantastic journey.

Tommorrow, as I ditch class and school. I am going to see a band I've been wanting to see for a long time.

The Juliana Theory.

I've been a long time supporter of this band ever since I randomly downloaded their songs on Kazaa.
They've sold 130,000 records and they give me something to look up to as I mold my own band from the dust. True inspiration, they went from driving their cars around to tour to their own bus now. I went to their website and heard their song "Do you believe in me?", awesome. Thats what made me finally decide to go.

In other news, I might be going to a few plays, to support my local acting friend at ucla. I hope she's there when it comes time for my show with the band this summer.
Amanda still calling, although I don't know what the hell for.
I wish some other people would call me. J S and S and TL would be nice. I'll have to work on it.

Now that I think of it, if you're just coming into this blog now, its not really any use. You see, this is sorta like the ongoing story of my life, and much like a soap opera (which i've never watched, btw) you won't know whats going on if you come into it mid-season.

I actually have money. My dad pulled through. He has gained major points back.
I call my Dad "Dad" when I'm happy with him and "Father" when I'm not.

Anyways, I'm so elated, tommorrow is another adventure. No time to talk. Must plan, must plan.

weird ( P ) Pronunciation Key (wîrd)
adj. weird·er, weird·est
Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
Archaic. Of or relating to fate or the Fates.

i can't explain my day, and this is my third try, i'm taking a friends advice and going to sleep

the times of our lives, college

a post down there reminded me of how much i like JEW, not as much as offspring, but still, way up there on the list

Are you gonna
Live your life wonderin’
Standing in the back
Lookin’ around?
Are you gonna
Waste your time
Thinkin' how you’ve grown up
Or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna
Be the way you want
Where's it gonna
Get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna
Be quite what you want
Or even at 25
You gotta start sometime
I’m on my feet
I’m on the floor
I’m good to go
Now all I need is just
To hear a song I know
I wanna always feel like
Part of this was mine
I wanna fall in love tonight

I sure as hell am not. I have to stop acting so serious.
Crimson and clover, over, and over.
I've pondered those lines much.
Crimson, the color of blood, the essence of life, its what the heart pumps, symbol of love
Clover, green, 4 leaf clovers, symbol of luck
luck and love, thats what i need now.

i guess since i'm drunk, i can type some things i normally wouldnt type.
fucking blog, it erased again.
i give up, another perfect day.
sorry, another luke let down.
i promise i'll be better tommorrow.

Ah, what an adventure today.

It starts with me very hungry at 6 PM with a knock at my door.
It ends with a free Vanilla Milk drink, very full, and the feeling of drowsiness.

Doing my homework like a good boy for once, this afternnoon, bored as hell watching I Love Lucy. A knock comes to my door, its jabbars mom, pushing her way in, dropping off some good junk, and leaving just like that.
the sequence of events leading to me being drunk right now typing instead of doing my homework is very sequential indeed.

time flows like a river.

davids car breaks down. i get an amanda call. i learn that 2 tylenolPM are greater than 2 cups of soda....end up at 7-11. end up back here.

thats what happened, consider the periods the transition times when the real exciting stuff happened, things i can not mention here.

i hope i remember today, even though you probably can not make any sense of it, and it sounds boring
its all so surreal, it feels like a dream, yeah, go to something else in my journal, this was a waste of space for you, why did i even start type anything

i did type much more, but it got erased, and other stuff wasnt nice.
here, i'll try again in a few minutes. let me finish these 3 half empty drinks i have lying around cluttering this desk

All is bust. 3 girls came over the other day, and I was by myself with them, and I did absolutely nothing. I drove with them back to UCLA, and I did nothing. I drove back home with one, alone, and still, I did nothing. I feel like I have cheated myself. Or is it just that now is not a good time? I am still recovering, all in all, I guess. It will be good once I am back to normal. My funny outgoing self. One good thing did come out of that whole time. Someone told me I was growing up. Or maybe I am doomed to be quiet and thoughtful and nice, the kind of guy that never gets noticed, the kind of guy who never gets the girls, always sits in the back, shy. Horrible. At least I finally got a straight answer from someone. I guess this is growing up.

Someone once told me I had an immature sense of humor. I say all humor to some extent is immature. I mean, you're always making fun of something when you're trying to be funny, and isn't that immature?

Never mind justification. I justicate too much. Takes too much time. Just the facts now. Just the facts.

Here's something on a higher note that really cheered me up.
?sMoOn: lol
?sMoOn: i like ur blog
?sMoOn: it's entertaining and amusing
?sMoOn: the way u write, that is

I have an interesting story about that person too.
Inglewood japanese girl. Very, very, sweet girl. Best colored hair. Awesome personality. But, a few years younger than me. I tried for it. Saw her 3 times. Met her family, actually, her friends. I think I reminded her too much of her Dad, who played guitar. She never had a boyfriend, and I was denied. We floated away as she went to college. I randomly IM her after a year, as is my custom. I heard she got a boyfriend after all. I think she's not happy. She could do better.
Ah but theres so much to write, I couldn't do her justice by devoting a paragraph.

And what do I do?? I surf and play guitar for a "band". Yes thats very popular around here. All the chicks dig that. ummmm, no. They are all hip-hop and R&B. God, whenever I meet someone i am attracted to, they are attracted to songs with no lyrics. I can't stand that shit.
There must be something wrong with me, because of course something can't be wrong with the worl...

Ok...... MY GRANDPARENTS CALLED!!!
I DIDNT KNOW I HAD GRANDPARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE COMING DOWN TO SEE ME!!!!!
I HAVE FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM OVERJOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mom must have sent them to check up on me.... how sweet.
now i have to find them a good motel and take them to disneyland. lol. next weekend will be a blast, spending it with relatives I never felt I knew.

Yes, the bitterness with the family. He'res where that stems from.
My mother was the black sheep.
That makes me even blacker.
So black I disappear at night. And even in the day for that matter. They never have taken notice I was there. A card for christmas, and easter. That was about it. Until now. I wonder. It really must be a time for genuine change. If they can change, maybe there is hope for this world.

Ah.......*tear.

I am loved.