ok that was 3 words, but yeah, the story behind that is that they hate me for being a son of another mother, that made our dad seem unfaithful, but he had already been divorced with her, so..... its not my freakin fault.

yeah, they have never tried to talk to me or sent me any letters, no email, no phone call. i don't have any brothers, in my eyes.

the one time i talked to the youngest, i don't even remember his name, he said i was a scrawny runt, barely speak thai, and lazy. by the way he was 25
he said this directly to his mom while i was standing there. afterwards he went to the bathroom, and i went upstairs to get my wallet then left outside to go for a walk. i never want to associate with them ever again. after all those years thats all he had to say. GOD DAMMIT....

i hate to share the same blood with people like that.

maybe thats why i always lash out at people who are around me, who are actually my friends, constantly picking at them, constantly making fun, especially those who are sensitive, or have hard times defending themselves. my own self loathing of the world and my family makes me do it.

but i do try to make up for it, with a constant loyalty to my friends, and sometimes unexpected pure self sacrifice, and random acts of kindness.

my father has been a womanizer for some time now, thats why i jitter when minako tells me she stops by his house
thats why i anger at the fact my old old girlfriend used to be alone with him, for even small amounts of time.
thats why i never brought my other ex to my house, except the outside ...once

sure he's funny, thoughtful, responsible, and a mix of some things i see in myself, but the fact has never changed that he's a womanizer, ever since i heard what he did to my aunt cindy and aunt karen.... fire burns in my heart, a contempt i hold against him that he will never know, because he is my father, and i could never bring it up to him, for fear of what he would say in return.

his brother is the same way, and theres something else i speculate he has done... but i'll save that story for a diffferent time

i hate him for that, and vow i will always treat women with respect and dignity, thats what his actions have made me do.

i was raised by my mom, i am a mommas boy, too sensitive, too moody.

i mean, what would he say? sorry? deny it? say it didn't happen? i know it happened and theres nothing he can do to change that, except change his ways. and in all the things i have ever seen him do, he has never changed his ways, and it has never changed my opinion that although he is a good person at heart, he is a terrible man, and something i will avoid becoming for the rest of my life, so help me.