Well, the redorating the place has gone to hell and i haven't finished the script or any songs and  i feel like i'm at an all time low.
 
i have killer new ideas but no fortitude, thats always been my problem.
 
theres no girls. they don't exist for right now.
 
its times like these when i look back on my ex's, and think about what each one meant to me and what happened and why.
 
its friday night and i have nothing to freakin do.  luckily i called a friend and we can go drinking.  yes. just what i need. to get a beer belly. no thanks. 1 beer won't hurt anyway, and i could sure use the company.
 
thinking of westwood. fun times. why can't every day be like that? rhetorical, yes. feasible, kinda.  i found it funny that at the end of the night i gave grace a handshake.  she gave everyone else a hug, but i refused to hug her. there's times when i really really hate her, but then there's times when i wish that (slap me now) i could mend things.  then a relapse and recap of her calling me gay, and dating someone immediately after we broke up makes me want to punch her face again, i think its right in that place. still, walking down the hall, turning my head to look back at her, i felt something strangely like affection.  i had been sort of tricked into even seeing her that night.  i didn't want to go, i didn't want to see her face, but jeff said we were just gonna hang around westwood, so i figured if i did see her face it wouldn't be much of a face-seeing.
 
She tells me of the "falling out" with bonnie.  I remember when she used to be jealous because she thought i liked bonnie.  Why am i thinking about this stuff right now, and whats the relavance? i don't know, pieces of a busted puzzle. i shouldn't care at all.
 
but all in all, grace has been with that guy for a long time now, it must be a deep and true relationship, not some fling to get over me and get me upset. it changes my opinion of grace somewhat.  anyway, i know it won't happen but if that dude ever falls out of line theres still someplace in my heart that would love to go pound on him for her.
 
laura doesn't talk to me even online anymore. i haven't seen or heard from aey in ages, i think its impossible to contact her now, all the numbers we used to have have been changed.
 
did i say one of the key ending factors with me and laura was the fact that i didn't remember the date she lost her virginity, um, to me.  The fact is that i don't remember any dates.  my moms or dads birthday, anniversary days.  But if we look closer it actually stems maybe from something else.  I bet if i asked audrey she would not be able to remember what day i lost my virginity to her, so maybe i got the not remembering thing from her.