another luke writing:

It’s hard being Thai. You go places; do things, without even seeing another Thai person. You get a feeling of isolation. You get a feeling that may be worse than being alone. You get a feeling of non-connection with anyone. Or you get a feeling of non-connection with any group. Is there anyone out there like me?
Let me introduce myself. I'm Luke, a 22 year old half-Thai, half-white male who grew up in Chicago, IL. My mother is white (Swedish and German), and my father is Thai (central Thailand).
Before this class, Asian-American, meant nothing to me but a term. My perceptions have been mainly good of them though, and I always knew there were more to them than was in the movies. In the film "My America: Honk if You Love Buddha", the director goes on a trip to find herself, that is something I might need to do someday. I need to stop being isolated and get motivated.
Taking this class has changed my view of Asian-Americans not only statistically, but fundamentally as well. It has surprised me that there are no Thai stories in these films, but I can understand why. Thais never had the struggle or the hardships as other races; it’s been a pretty smooth ride for our gentle race. It also amuses me to see Korean brothers try to rap (My America). It enrages me to see some of the treatment of Asian men and women, such as the prostitutes in "Slaying the Dragon".
I can't identify with any ethnic race, and I've only seen about three individuals who are half-white, half-Thai like me. My whole life and there were only three. We can narrow this down even more because only two were male. So I feel like there are only two people in the whole world that are the same race as me. It might reflect how you identify yourself if you are "happa" by what ethnicity you put first (i.e. half-white, half-Thai or half-Thai half-white). I call myself "half-white half-Thai". There are so many unwritten things in even saying that too. Should I put an "and" in between half-white and half-Thai"? Should I capitalize white? I don't like the term "happa" either. I don't know why, it sounds like a slur to me. Besides, I believe using another language to describe someone has a bad connotation. Take for instance the term “gwai lo” which in Cantonese is the colloquial form of saying “foreigner”, it is considered bad because it used to mean “foreign devil” to refer to Caucasians.
Slurs are to be ignored if they aren't said to your face, but a segment in Asian Americans: Experiences and Perspectives, a case study on Westlake Suburban High School, made me see a little bit how it was like in the late 70's for young Asian Americans. They had to take a slur in the form of a play being presented to the whole school. They protested against a play because it hard really horrible portrayals of Asian Americans to them. They wanted the play to be altered so it would take out the stereotypical/racist parts. Although the parts were changed slightly, the major flaws still went on in the play. I remember many times during high school where I faced injustices such as these. I lived in a small, mostly white suburban neighborhood in Chicago. People thought I was smart just because I was Asian and because of this they tried to cheat off me or get me to do their homework. It wasn’t really a thing I could tell the teachers about, because they were my friends also, and if I told the teachers, I would be a “sell out”, and probably further make a bad example of Asians. Not only this, but my teachers used to tease me as well. They used to call on me and class if anything Asian came up, such as the Japanese in World War II. I would hope I wouldn’t have to defend myself against any bad connotation like this. The teacher would say, “Luke does your family have any history with this?” Then everyone turned their head to me. It was embarrassing, but I stood proud and tried to portray a good example.
Speaking of flaws, we live in one of the biggest flaws in history. America is a flaw. Why I say America is a flaw is because we live in a country that in the past didn't even acknowledge us, and in recent history prejudices us. In Asian Americans: Oral Histories, Phil Nash makes a point that in a country where we grow up and live, we, as Asian Americans, are grouped into one. No matter if you are Thai or Chinese, you're still a dirty Jap sometimes. I can recall many times in my life where I was thought to be of a different race. Many times, and these times were usually when people were angry at me. Now I don't want to stereotype by saying that the people who I usually encountered hostilities from were white people. I think they are stereotyped as racists as they stereotype us all Japs. Everybody is guilty of ignorance, that is the point I wish to make, and the point that I think Nash fails to add.
From the reader an important thing I learned was why we should be called Asian-Americans instead of Asian. It went from Oriental to Asian to Asian-American, as it stands today, with some hint of using the word "yellow" in between. To this I ask, "Is hyphenated really the way to go? We could call ourselves Ancestrally-Eastern, or Originally-Asianic if we wanted to. To me its silly, this naming process. We still call African-Americans "black and European-Americans "white". I suppose we're just special. I agree that "yellow" is derogatory sounding, and hence I suppose Asian-American is alright. However it does take a while to type it every single time. So we come to the abbreviation AA, which also coincidently stands for Alcoholics Anonymous (bad connotation again). Asian American does sound official, and is a simple two-word way to describe what nationality and heritage a person is, so there are definitely some benefits in the name.
As for what I identify with; I identify with "other". I'm not an islander. I'm not really Thai, and I'm not really white. I can tell I'm not Thai when I speak it with my family. I can tell I'm not white when I look in the mirror. As cool as being an islander sounds, I can't lie to myself. I'm happy with "other" so far. I know there are other “happas” out there that mark "other" on the official census forms the same as me. That's good enough. Even if there are only two, I know they are out there somewhere, having a hard a time being what they are. Like me.