Well my birthday was 3 days ago. 2 people remembered. My mom. My dad did not.

At first my dad thought I was turning 24, I told him I was turning 28.

He never ceases to dissapoint me. From the damn creepy stonehenge things he puts in the front of the house to the old timer gas signs he puts in the back of the house. It just makes me want to leave.

My mom brought some cake. Nothing fancy. Yellow cake, lots of frosting. I think it was her kindness that made it the best cake ever.

I bought a bottle of 5 dollar wine for myself. And a lottery ticket.

I like it this way. For all the fuss over it when I was little, now it evens out.

My aunt Karen added me to facebook. It interesting to see the people from back east I knew when I was a kid. I kind of miss them sometimes, but the ignorance I had when I was a kid faded away and eventually I grew to know that I wasn't like anybody else there, and it wasn't for me. For one, my whole family is white back there in Chicago. I fit in until I looked in a mirror. I realized that at about 14 years old. For two, I was embarassed about my Mom, but that is another story for another time.

Its sad to see it come to that. And its sad I never kept in contact. Whats the use in contact when you're probably never coming back? But one day I will make them proud, or at least remember me. I figure when I become a cop and start making some decent money I'll take a vacation up there and see everyone again.

The other person who remembered my birthday? Laura. There might be some ancient posts of her on here. She is the one who said "Once the ship sets sail, you can't swim after it", or something like that, after I broke up with her and I had second thoughts a year or so later. I remember that to this day, and to this day I'm a little more careful before breaking up.

Today is my cousin Pat's birthday. I asked him what he wanted and he took a second before saying "beer". I knew he would say that but somehow I wish he didn't. Life is more simple than we make it out to be I guess.

my last message to jeff, after calling him twice and leaving a lot of IM messages for him. i have no idea what happened and i guess i never will because he just wants to be a mother fucking bitch for the rest of his life, and i've never had anything but the most respect for that guy. it makes me sad to see it all come down like this:

Sent at 7:12 PM on Monday
me: i'm curious to know if i did something to get you angry
cuz if so i dont know what it was
and if so i think you should tell me
because we've been friends for so long
if not
if ur just busy, you've been busy for a long long time
and i apologize if its something i did
and not realized
but also
the silent treatment is getting old
this is something girls do
cmon dont be a girl
then if you dont want to talk
consider this my last message
and i'm going to go off on you
for being kind of a dick friend too
once u got your new aikido friends
u never really called to hang out anymore
and sure friends drift apart but i've never seen more drift than from u
i mean cmon, you'd rather watch a basketball game than hang out with mike and i?
fuck that
thats not the jeff i know
you've changed man
and for the worst
i don't think i can call you my friend anymore
but u were a best friend to me
i hooked you up with jenny
remember that
i told you to take the aikido class at csun
remember that
when i came back to cali u were the friend i wanted to see
after what, 10 years?
now what
i can't even stop you from being a coward
and hiding behind IM
i called you, twice
two messages
to talk about this
ok ur afk now
but read this well
because its the last i'm going to try to talk to you
cya